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How celebrities are influencing the new generations

How celebrities are influencing the new generations m3RD8
Over the years the television indusrty has incorporated a lot of news about celebrities. Most of this news are related with the lifestyle or gossips of the celebrtities. On the hand, it is belivied that the channels with the largest audiencie are the ones which emit more news about celebrities. Although it may seem a popular belief, we cannot deny that the celebrities have a big influence in people. On the other hand, the government is which decide and allow what kind of news are going to be emited. Actually, they can avoid relevant events that may generate controversy. In my opinion, the news should center the spotlight in news that actually are worth it for us. Even the celebrities have been influecing during the last years, we should boycot this type of news and only pay attention to really important things.
Over the years the television
Possible spelling mistake found.
indusrty
has incorporated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. Most of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are related
with the lifestyle or gossips of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrtities
. On the hand, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
belivied
that the channels with the largest
Possible spelling mistake found.
audiencie
are the ones which emit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. Although it may seem a popular belief, we cannot deny that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is which decide and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are going to be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "emitted", the past tense form of the verb 'emit'?
emited
. Actually, they can avoid relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that may generate controversy. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should center the spotlight in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that actually are worth it for us. Even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
influecing
during the last years, we should
Possible spelling mistake found.
boycot this
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay attention to
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
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IELTS essay How celebrities are influencing the new generations

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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