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Some people say that public health would greatly improved if government made some laws concering nutrition and food choice of people.others argue that it is a personal matter and personal responsibility.discuss both view and give opinion.

Some people say that public health would greatly improved if government made some laws concering nutrition and food choice of people. others argue that it is a personal matter and personal responsibility. BwO8V
It is believed by some people that by implementing laws on people, s food selection and nutrition by government can improve public health. however, other people opine that it is individuals personal matter and responsibilitiy this essay will discuss both view while justifying my view point of personal matter. According to some people, public health could improve if governments took some steps towards peoples nutrition and food choice. it is beneficial not only for public but also for governments. To explain it, governments can make a rule that people can eat junk food once or twice in a week. besides this, government can put penalty on this rule. Because of penalty, people will definitely avoid junk food. People can remain fit by eating healthy food. Healthy food increase immunity. To further corroborate the above view, strong immunity system needed in order to fight with corona virus. The healthier the diet, the better our life. However, some people opine that it is personal matter. To explicate it, everyone have liberty to do whatever they want and whatever they want to choose  for eating. For instance, i have my own choices and i eat food according to my choice. moreover, there are some other ways to remain fit. Firstly, people can join gym. secondly, they can eat balance diet. After analysing everything, i conclude that although rules by government on nutrition can improve public health, it is also personal responsibility and personal matter, and i have my own choices. this is why i am agree with second view
It
is believed
by
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some
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people
that by implementing laws on
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people
, s
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food
selection and nutrition by
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government
can
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improve
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public
health.
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however
, other
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people
opine that it is individuals
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personal
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matter
and
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responsibilitiy
this essay will discuss both
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view
while justifying my
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view
point of
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personal
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matter
. According to
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some
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people
,
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public
health could
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improve
if
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governments
took
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some
steps towards
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peoples
nutrition and
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food
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choice
.
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it
is beneficial not
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only
for
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public
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but
also
for
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governments
. To
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explain
it,
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governments
can
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make
a
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rule
that
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people
can eat junk
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food
once or twice in a week.
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besides
this,
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government
can put penalty on this
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rule
.
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Because
of penalty,
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people
will definitely avoid junk
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food
.
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People
can remain fit by eating healthy
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food
. Healthy
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food
increase immunity. To
further
corroborate the above
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view
, strong immunity system needed in order to fight with
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
. The healthier the diet, the better our life.

However
,
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some
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people
opine that it is
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personal
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matter
. To explicate it, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
liberty to do whatever they want and whatever they want to choose
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for eating.
For instance
,
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i
have my
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own
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choices
and
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i
eat
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food
according to my
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choice
.
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moreover
, there are
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some
other ways to remain fit.
Firstly
,
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people
can
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join
gym.
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secondly
, they can eat balance diet. After
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analysing
everything,
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i
conclude that although
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rules
by
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government
on nutrition can
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improve
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public
health, it is
also
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personal
responsibility and
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personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matter
, and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
.
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this
is why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with second
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
view
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IELTS essay Some people say that public health would greatly improved if government made some laws concering nutrition and food choice of people. others argue that it is a personal matter and personal responsibility.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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