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How can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make

How can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make EANM
Due to the longevity and the advancement of the healthcare system, the ageing population over the age of sixty-five can keep doing various activities of daily living. This essay will discuss some actions in which the elderly can make a positive contribution to society. Firstly, as a member of a family, grandparents who are already retired usually helping the working parents to take care of their children. It is partly because older people have more free time after retirement and will be please to spend time with their grandchildren. As a good example, in some develop countries like Indonesia, more than 50 per cent of married couples still live with their parents and some of them find difficulties to look after their children due to the working hours. Therefore, sometimes assistance from older people is needed. Secondly, after stopping work, the ages could also provide mentorship to young people regarding their professional experiences. Referring to the quote 'Experience is the Best Teacher', adults may gain professional advice from the elderly on how to develop a successful business, for instance, or master certain skills in the workplace. Certainly, this could be an advantage of having an ageing society around. In summary, there are two possibilities that I suggest in which the ages could contribute effectively to society.
Due to the longevity and the advancement of the healthcare system, the
ageing
population over the age of sixty-five can
keep
doing various activities of daily living. This essay will discuss
some
actions in which the elderly can
make
a
positive
contribution to society.

Firstly
, as a member of a family, grandparents who are already retired
usually
helping the working parents to take care of their children. It is partly
because
older
people
have more free time after retirement and will be
please
to spend time with their grandchildren. As a
good
example, in
some
develop countries like Indonesia, more than 50 per cent of married couples
still
live
with their parents and
some
of them find difficulties to look after their children due to the working hours.
Therefore
,
sometimes
assistance from older
people
is
needed.

Secondly
, after stopping work, the ages could
also
provide mentorship to young
people
regarding their professional experiences. Referring to the quote 'Experience is the Best Teacher', adults may gain professional advice from the elderly on how to develop a successful business,
for instance
, or master certain
skills
in the workplace.
Certainly
, this could be an advantage of having an
ageing
society around.

In summary, there are two possibilities that I suggest in which the ages could contribute
effectively
to society.
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IELTS essay How can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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