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Household car ownership in China by age group

Household car ownership in China by age group dpkyd
The information given in the bar chart makes comparisons in percentages of car ownership by diverse age groups in China over a period of four years, from 2010 till 2014. While the figures for car possession fluctuated over the period shown, it is clear that all of the given four groups of individuals owned the most cars in the year 2014. During two time periods (2010 and 2011), however they were the least car users. the year 2014, in which age group 18 to 29 had the highest numbers of cars, accounting for nearly 45%. Whereas, the same aged people used the least cars in 2010 just at above 20%. Moreover, the use of cars by individuals, ageing between 30 and 45 remained quite stable at 20% in the years 2010, 2011, and 2012 respectively. 46 to 55 year-old's kept an upward trend throughout the time periods till it peaked at almost 35% in 2014. Furthermore, elderly people aged 56-65 had the lowest figures of car usage in 2011, remained the same at roughly 30% in 2012 and 2013 and was the highest in the year 2014.
The information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
comparisons in percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
ownership by diverse age groups in China over a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of four years,
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 2010 to 2014"?
from 2010 till 2014
. While the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
possession fluctuated over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
shown, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
Consider using "all the".
all of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
four groups of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2014. During two time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
(2010 and 2011),
however
they were the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
users.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2014, in which age group 18 to 29 had the highest numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, accounting for
nearly
45%.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the same aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in 2010
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
at above 20%.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
by individuals,
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
between 30 and 45 remained quite stable at 20% in the years 2010, 2011, and 2012
respectively
. 46 to 55 year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
an upward trend throughout the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
till it peaked at almost 35% in 2014.
Furthermore
, elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 56-65 had the lowest figures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
usage in 2011, remained the same at roughly 30% in 2012 and 2013 and was the highest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2014.
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IELTS essay Household car ownership in China by age group

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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