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Hosting International sports event

International sports events are great to start with, for the matter of fact any events that involves physical activity is great. they make people more active and less lazy, also these sports stars and players set a very great example for the young and also unhealthy people on how to be healthy and fit. fit bodies are also attractive. Like there are two faces of a coin, there are two sides to this event. the good part of the event is that, this creates a great enthusiasm, in the country that is being hosted. it will be like a festival, a celebration, many people all over the world come and attend this event, not just the players but also the audience. it would be a great way to communicate, interact and learn about each other, also this helps us understand that deep down no matter what colour or creed or race or religion, we are all same and we are all humans. this would be the great oppurtunity for the single people who wants a great relationships, some can find their soul mates during this events. my friend found a girl from another country in this way, and now they are both happy. The government can use the revenue generated from tickets and other things. also it can show the uniquness of their culture to the whole world. . However there is also a bad side to this. i read in newspapers and also some stories from friends, where these events usually encourage more and more prostituion and other such illeagal affairs, people also do bettings and gamble and loose during these events. some visitors can get kidnapped and killed during such kind of events, since its a large gathering. I have also seen some angry and frustrated fans got into a fight and create a scene, hurt the other country people or players when their team lost the game. Some governments will go any extent to show that they are superior by hosting a very grand welcoming ceremonies and organizing events during this period, which will result in using hardearned taxpayers money getting wasted in these silly events. which could be loss to the nation and its people. So, we should encourage these events now and then, but all saftey meausres has to be taken, be prepared for any unwanted mishappenings. when these things are taken care of, these events can be great for the nation its people that is hosting this event, and also to the entire world.
International sports
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events
are
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great
to
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start
with, for the matter of fact any
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events
that involves physical activity is
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great
.
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they
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make
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people
more active and less lazy,
also
these sports stars and players set a
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very
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great
example for the young and
also
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on how to be healthy and fit.
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fit
bodies are
also
attractive.

Like there are two faces of a coin, there are two sides to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
the
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good
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is that, this creates a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
enthusiasm, in the country
that is
being hosted
.
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it
will be like a festival, a celebration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world
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come
and attend this
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event
, not
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just
the players
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but
also
the audience.
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it
would be a
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great
way to communicate, interact and learn about each
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other
,
also
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us understand that deep down no matter what
Possible spelling mistake. ‘colour’ is British English.
colour
or creed or race or religion, we are all
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
same and
we are all humans.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
this
would be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppurtunity
for the single
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people
who
Did you mean “want”? Alternatively, check whether the singular of ‘people’ should be used.
wants
a
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great
relationships,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
can find their soul mates during
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘events’. Did you mean “these”?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
my
friend found a girl from another country in this way, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are both happy.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the revenue generated from tickets and
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other
things.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
also
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
uniquness
of their culture to the whole world.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.


Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side to this.
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i
read in newspapers and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stories from friends, where these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
usually
encourage more and more
Possible spelling mistake found.
prostituion
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
such
Possible spelling mistake found.
illeagal
affairs,
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people
also
do
Possible spelling mistake found.
bettings
and gamble and loose during these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
some
visitors can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
kidnapped and killed during such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, since
Did you mean “it’s” (short for ‘it is’) instead of ‘its’ (possessive pronoun)?
its
a large gathering.

I have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
angry and frustrated fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into a fight and create a scene, hurt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or players when their team lost the game.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will go any extent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that they are superior by hosting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
grand welcoming ceremonies and organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
during this period, which will result in using
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardearned
taxpayers money getting wasted in these silly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
which
could be loss to the nation and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should encourage these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then,
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but
all
Possible spelling mistake found.
saftey
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meausres
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has to
be taken
,
be prepared
for any unwanted
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mishappenings
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
when
these things
are taken
care of, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
for the nation its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that is
hosting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
, and
also
to the entire world.
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IELTS essay Hosting International sports event

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
420 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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