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Holding international games such as the olympic games is an exiting event.some people think it has positive effects while others argues it is a waste of money. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

As we all are part of this modern world, peoples of this era are so curious about their (physical structure) and health. One of the way to achieve desired physicality and health is sports. To motivate people governments are now organizing international games for the same some group of people think that it is waste of money and time. In contrast some also thinks that it is a good experiment. However, according to my view, i agree with the peoples who claims that it is good to have international games like Olympic in our country. Firstly, most youngsters have addiction of phonesand digital gadgets nowadays so they are not that much concern about their health, so to improve this, governments are holding international games like olympic. Moreover by watching that youth can motivate them selves to do the same for their conutry and this way they can also improvise their health as well as they might know their hidden abilities and can perform well in that particular field. As an epitome, China organised internatinal games so the youth of china motivated them selves to do the same for their country and had practised for the same so by doing that they had improvised their health. Hence, having such games in our country will improvise country's economy and the youth of the country express their hidden ability and enhance their strength as well. On the contrary, some peoples are addicted towards educational activities only so they thought that having such events in our country draw the attention of sweet sixteens. Hence they might not concentrate on their study. Moreover they thought that it is not possible for the common peoples to represent them selves or their nations in such events so they simply avoid it by saying that it is only the waste of money but when they knew that most of the sports person who represented their country globally are from common families only. So, now the scenario has been changed and most of the people are encouraging their pupils to do something for their nation so for the same international games like Olympic is one of the biggest platform. To my belief, Having such games motivates people to do something for their own nation globally and they canaware about their talent. However, having such events will increase the economy of the country because all the supports of the players from all around the world will come to encourage and cheer them. Hence having such international events has more profits than its drawbacks. In closing, i believe that though the technology has diverted the mind of peoples into gadgets but still by organizing such global level events can make a huge different.
As we all are part of this modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
of this era are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
curious about their (physical structure) and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. One of the way to achieve desired physicality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is sports. To motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is waste of money and time. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experiment.
However
, according to my view,
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
who
Did you mean “claim”? Alternatively, check whether the singular of ‘peoples’ should be used.
claims
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like Olympic in our country.

Firstly
, most youngsters have addiction of
Possible spelling mistake found.
phonesand
digital gadgets nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are not that much concern about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympic
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
by watching that youth can motivate
Did you mean “themselves”?
them selves
to do the same for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
conutry
and this way they can
also
improvise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as well
as they might know their hidden abilities and can perform well in that particular field. As an epitome, China
Do not mix variants of the same word (‘organise’ and ‘organize’) within a single text.
organised
Possible spelling mistake found.
internatinal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the youth of china motivated
Did you mean “themselves”?
them selves
to do the same for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and had
Possible spelling mistake. ‘practised’ is British English.
practised
for the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by doing that they had improvised their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will improvise country's economy and the youth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
express their hidden ability and enhance their strength
as well
.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are addicted
towards educational activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
draw the attention of sweet sixteens.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they might not concentrate on their study.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it is not possible for the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
to represent
Did you mean “themselves”?
them selves
or their nations in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
simply
avoid it by saying that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the waste of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they knew that most of the sports person who represented their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
globally are from common families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the scenario has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are encouraging their pupils to do something for their nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like Olympic is one of the biggest platform.

To my belief,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do something for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation globally and they
Possible spelling mistake found.
canaware
about their talent.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
will increase the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the supports of the players from all around the world will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to encourage and cheer them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
has more profits than its drawbacks.

In closing,
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that though the technology has diverted the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
into gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
by organizing such global level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
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IELTS essay Holding international games such as the olympic games is an exiting event. some people think it has positive effects while others argues it is a waste of money.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
452 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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