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History vs technology courses in school

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In this day and age, there are two views about school subjects. Some people believe that History should be in the priority of the courses, while the other claim that Technology and Science are essential than History. This essay will discuss both views and also explain the writer’s opinion. The significant effects of learning History are undeniable; in other words, it is a must to educate children on this crucial subject. Learning the culture and the behavior of prominent people throughout history could flourish the mind and attitudes to the life. For example, make decisions from kings in wars for surviving their territory during history could teach us how to take actions rightly in chaotic conditions and also prepare for the severe consequences. Since the nature of history is repetitive, I strongly agree with this opinion so that it could be better to pay attention to this subject considerably. On the other hand, as we live in technology and science, some people argue that these subjects are essential than History. At every single moment, many scientists are producing new inventions to guarantee a better life for humankind worldwide. As a result, it is more important to follow them and be attracted by their works. For example, if someone can design a website, they will be more successful than students learning History in the first place. Therefore, science and technology will increase students' knowledge and encourage them to achieve their goals faster than History subjects. In conclusion, although it is vital to focus on the Science and Technology subjects, History courses should be included in their syllabus at the first steps due to the positive influences having on our lifestyle.
In this day and age, there are two views about school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
should be in the priority of the courses, while the other claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
are essential than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
. This essay will discuss both views and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the writer’s opinion.

The significant effects of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
are undeniable;
in other words
, it is a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
educate children on this crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. Learning the culture and the behavior of prominent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
throughout
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
could flourish the mind and attitudes to the life.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions from kings in wars for surviving their territory during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
could teach us how to take actions
rightly
in chaotic conditions and
also
prepare for the severe consequences. Since the nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is repetitive, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it could be better to pay attention to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
considerably
.

On the other hand
, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are essential than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
. At every single moment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientists are producing new inventions to guarantee a better life for humankind worldwide.
As a result
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to follow them and
be attracted
by their works.
For example
, if someone can design a website, they will be more successful than students learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
in the
first
place.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will increase students' knowledge and encourage them to achieve their goals faster than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
subjects.

In conclusion
, although it is vital to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
courses should
be included
in their syllabus at the
first
steps due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences having on our lifestyle.
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IELTS essay History vs technology courses in school

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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