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High school and I love that was my first time ever r the same thing I can

At the present time, an enormous amount of people concerned that government should offer a money to retired senior citizen, however, other people believe that a care taker should provide for themselves. I am completely agree with the second argument of the statement. Although, various people opine that government should give a financial help for retired employees as money plays a crucial role in in everyone life for instance if a person want respect, status and care they need a cash to utilize these basic necessities in their life. Secondly, government should take requisite steps such as it is mandatory to give a pension to the retired senior citizens so that they can live their life with ease without facing any financial crisis in the future. Lastly, government should make important changes in their Constitution for the benefits of retired employee by providing them all the basic facilities without taking any single penny from them. However, I believe that government should provide an individual for the care of elder citizens because money is a type of source through which we can fulfill our basic necessities for example food, shelter and cloth but they can not share their problems, feelings and emotions with the money so they need a care taker which take care of them. Last but not the least, never feel lonely or depressed if an individual is provided to the senior citizens they never think that nobody is here to talk and listen their problems. To conclude, I opine that government should provide a care taker to the elder senior citizens for their care as in this age it is very hard to do a simple things
At the present time, an enormous amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
concerned that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should offer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
,
however
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
taker should provide for themselves. I am completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second argument of the statement.

Although, various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give a financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
employees as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a crucial role
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
everyone life
for instance
if a person want respect, status and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
they need a cash to utilize these
Consider using “necessities”.
basic necessities
in their life.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take requisite steps such as it is mandatory to give a pension to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
without facing any financial crisis in the future.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their Constitution for the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
employee by providing them all the basic facilities without taking any single penny from them.

However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide an individual for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a type of source through which we can fulfill our
Consider using “necessities”.
basic necessities
for example
food, shelter and cloth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can not share their problems, feelings and emotions with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
taker which take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, never feel lonely or depressed if an individual
is provided
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that nobody is here to talk and listen their problems.

To conclude
, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
taker to the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
as in this age it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to do
The plural noun “things” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a simple thing” or “simple things”?
a simple things
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IELTS essay High school and I love that was my first time ever r the same thing I can

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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