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High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Bppd
ANSWER Some employees attend their work places while sick in order to finalise essential tasks. High job demand, stress and sense of commitment are among the main factors leading to this, but unfortunately they put their co-workers at risk of contacting the disease or chronically getting ill themselves. In this essay I agree that workers should be absent for work when sick. A sick person is weak to deliver quality service. Their general status is compromised and they fail to accomplish some tasks effectively. For example, a warehouse operator requires so much energy to work. Their job description is but not limited to heavy lifting and uploading of trucks. Therefore, employees needs to be well hydrated and energetic to achieve the best possible outcomes. Furthermore, some clients health detoriates when under pressure. For instance, those with chronic illnesses such as arthritis, need to take a break when they have a relapse. If rest is not considered, their symptoms will exacerbate. Data compiled by the Ministry of Health has revealed that 10 percent of heavy duty workers with long-term illnesses die before their retirement age. This clearly shows that high demand jobs have a negative effect on employees health. Therefore, such people should be given a sick leave. Lastly, infecting others at work puts a burden on the health system since more people requires medical attention. For example, in the recent times of coronavirus pandemic, the transmission get worse if an infected person attend work. Thus increasing the workload and employment of more health care workers. To conclude, although there is more job demand, pressure and sense of commitment in companies. Employees should not go to work when they are ill because that minimizes task quality and also puts a burden on health services. Sick leave should be obtained instead.
ANSWER

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
attend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places while sick in order to
Possible spelling mistake. 'finalise' is British English.
finalise
essential tasks. High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
demand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and sense of commitment are among the main factors leading to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately they put their co-workers at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of contacting the disease or
chronically
getting ill themselves. In this essay I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that workers should be absent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when sick.

A sick person is weak to deliver quality service. Their general status is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
compromised and
they fail to accomplish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks
effectively
.
For example
, a warehouse operator requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
description is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not limited to heavy lifting and uploading of trucks.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
needs to be well hydrated and energetic to achieve the best possible outcomes.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "clients'" or "client's"?
clients
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
detoriates
when under pressure.
For instance
, those with chronic illnesses such as arthritis, need to take a break when they have a relapse. If rest is not considered, their symptoms will exacerbate. Data compiled by the Ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
has revealed that 10 percent of
'heavy duty' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "heavy-duty".
heavy duty
workers with long-term illnesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their retirement age. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that high demand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "employees'" or "employee's"?
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Therefore
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.

Lastly
, infecting others at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
puts a burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
system since more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
requires
medical attention.
For example
, in the recent times of coronavirus pandemic, the transmission
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse if an infected person attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Thus
increasing the workload and employment of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care workers.

To conclude
, although there is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
demand, pressure and sense of commitment in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
should not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when they are ill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that minimizes task quality and
also
puts a burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services. Sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
should
be obtained
instead
.
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IELTS essay High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.