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Here is a band 8 IELTS essay sample submitted by one of our students. Send us your writing samples for a free band score estimate or get a detailed analysis of your writing for a fee.

Here is a band 8 IELTS essay sample submitted by one of our students. Send us your writing samples for a free band score estimate or get a detailed analysis of your writing for a fee. QRE21
Proper nutrition is the cornerstone of wellbeing. Many opine that a government should be blamed for the high rate of obesity among children. I partially agree with this statement, however, parents have the same amount of obligations to their children. To begin with, a government must care about people’s health because they are supposed to improve living conditions of citizens. Nowadays the majority of companies add sugar in all types of food in order to make more attractive for customers. A government is the only force that can ban using redundant amount of sweeteners. Due to researches conducted by the World Health Organization, over 60% of people suffer from obesity because modern food is extremely high in calories. To exemplify, schools canteen did not have wending machines with junk snacks, which are extremely appealing for kids. Parents, on the flip side, are responsible as well because upbringing is a blueprint of children’s future life. Children watch their parents and learn from them, so a wise parenting about nutrition may prevent eating disorders. Parents must find the time to cook proper meals for their children. Conversely, if one experienced lack of knowledge, he would probably have a poor diet. In conclusion, both the government and the parents can play an important role in controlling childhood obesity. The government should regulate the food industry and parents should serve healthy home cooked meals.
Proper nutrition is the cornerstone of
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
opine that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
be blamed
for the high rate of obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the same amount of obligations to their children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
care about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
living conditions of citizens. Nowadays the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
sugar in all types of food in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more attractive for customers. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
force that can ban using redundant amount of sweeteners. Due to researches conducted by the World Health Organization, over 60% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer from obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
modern food is
extremely
high in calories. To exemplify, schools canteen did not have wending machines with junk snacks, which are
extremely
appealing for kids.

Parents, on the flip side, are responsible
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
upbringing is a blueprint of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and learn from them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a wise parenting about nutrition may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
eating disorders.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find the time to cook proper meals for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Conversely
, if one experienced lack of knowledge, he would
probably
have a poor diet.

In conclusion
, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in controlling childhood obesity. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should regulate the food industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should serve healthy home cooked meals.
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IELTS essay Here is a band 8 IELTS essay sample submitted by one of our students. Send us your writing samples for a free band score estimate or get a detailed analysis of your writing for a fee.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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