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heath experts claim that walking is the best exercise, however people are walking less on a daily basis. What has made this happen and how to deal with it?

heath experts claim that walking is the best exercise, however people are walking less on a daily basis. What has made this happen and how to deal with it? rRqN
Nowadays, health is most significant factor for human's life and to stay healthy people should do some exercises but most of the people are not doing that. So let us discuss about it. Many people are too lazy regarding their health-care, because day by day technology become advance and using that machinery, mostly people do not have to work physically. For example, when transportation system was not find, at that time everyone was walking to travel one place to another, even the distance between two places was larged still they were walking, but now we have advance transportation system so, majority of people are using that, even for small distance, they are using scooters or cars. So due to vehicles many people avoid walking and because of this thy might face some health issue at their earlier age like blood pressure and diabetes. All the exercises is very advantageous for our body and one of them is walking. Walking is very easy exercise for humans, which they are able to do anytime and anywhere still people are walking less. Due to walking people can fight with many illnesses like stress and headache. So people should walk. If they have to travel very little distance so they should travel it by walking. People can go garden for walking and it is very helpful for their health. For example, I goes to garden everyday for walking due to that my breathing system is working very nicely, I never face headache, also my immunity power is increase. If people do not have extra time then they can walk in their work place. Thus, walking is important for everyone, so every person should do that
Nowadays, health is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
significant factor for human's life and to stay healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not doing that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too lazy regarding their health-care,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
day by day technology become advance and using that machinery,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
physically
.
For example
, when transportation system was not find, at that time everyone was walking to travel one place to another, even the distance between two places was
Possible spelling mistake found.
larged
still
they were walking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we have advance transportation system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using that, even for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
distance, they are using scooters or cars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
due to vehicles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid walking and
because of this
thy might face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issue at their earlier age like blood pressure and diabetes. All the exercises is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous for our body and one of them is walking. Walking is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy exercise for humans, which they are able to do anytime and anywhere
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are walking less. Due to walking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can fight with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illnesses like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and headache.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should walk. If they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
distance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should travel it by walking.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can go garden for walking and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for their health.
For example
, I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "go"
goes
to garden
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
for walking due to that my breathing system is working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nicely
, I never face headache,
also
my immunity power is increase. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have extra time then they can walk in their work place.
Thus
, walking is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
every person should do that
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IELTS essay heath experts claim that walking is the best exercise, however people are walking less on a daily basis. What has made this happen and how to deal with it?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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