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Health topic has been more conscious in recent years. Many people believe that the government should create a favorable condition for individuals to have a healthy lifestyle, whereas others think that people should decide by themselves.

Health topic has been more conscious in recent years. Many people believe that the government should create a favorable condition for individuals to have a healthy lifestyle, whereas others think that people should decide by themselves. 3WJKm
Health topic has been more conscious in recent years. Many people believe that the government should create a favorable condition for individuals to have a healthy lifestyle, whereas others think that people should decide by themselves. While there are some strong arguments against the statement that the government should take care of citizens, I tend toward the view that people should not have financial aid in hospital fees from the government. On the one hand, it is contended that the government should look after people due to two following reasons. Initiating with the most significant thing, it is presumed that people would equally benefit from the policies. With the wide availability, people from rural areas to cities, old people to children could have clinical examinations and cure diseases which helps extend population life expectancy. Moreover, the large number of taxes people paid annually should be reimbursed for their hospital bills as well. For instance, people in Norway and other northern European countries do not have to check out their hospital bills since they pay tax each year. On the paradoxical side, I support the view that individuals should address their health problems themselves. First of all, free programs for patients would be a huge financial burden to the government, especially in developing countries. In the long-term, because of the inferior budget, the government would raise taxes; as a result, people will suffer from many more issues and the living conditions would decline. At the same time, another stumbling block might be that the quality of the hospitals would go down. Since there are no more competitions among hospitals, facilities would not be upgraded and doctors would no longer put effort into their work. Although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me people paying their own hospital expenses is more advantageous for both the government and citizens.
Health topic has been more conscious in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should create a favorable condition for individuals to have a healthy lifestyle, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should decide by themselves. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strong arguments against the statement that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take care of citizens, I tend toward the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not have financial aid in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
fees from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the one hand, it
is contended
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to two following reasons. Initiating with the most significant thing, it
is presumed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
equally
benefit from the policies. With the wide availability,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from rural areas to cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to children could have clinical examinations and cure diseases which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
extend population life expectancy.
Moreover
, the large number of taxes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
paid
annually
should
be reimbursed
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
bills
as well
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Norway and other northern European countries do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
bills since they pay tax each year.

On the paradoxical side, I support the view that individuals should address their health problems themselves.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, free programs for patients would be a huge financial burden to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. In the long-term,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the inferior budget, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
would raise taxes;
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more issues and the living conditions would decline. At the same time, another stumbling block might be that the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
would go down. Since there are no more competitions among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
, facilities would not
be upgraded
and doctors would no longer put effort into their work.

Although both views
certainly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
validity, it seems to me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
paying their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
expenses is more advantageous for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and citizens.
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IELTS essay Health topic has been more conscious in recent years. Many people believe that the government should create a favorable condition for individuals to have a healthy lifestyle, whereas others think that people should decide by themselves.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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