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he biggest advantage of doing a part time job is that it makes a student independent

he biggest advantage of doing a part time job is that it makes a student independent 2Rrqw
More and more students now do part time jobs while they are still at university. In my opinion, working while studying can be hugely rewarding; however, it does have some drawbacks as well. The biggest advantage of doing a part time job is that it makes a student independent. It boosts their self confidence and promotes growth. Moreover by working, they can fund their studies. For instance, they do not have to depend on parents for pocket money or to fulfill any extra need. Apart from this, working part time makes them understand the importance and value of money. For example, when they toil hard and save money for purchasing an item, they learn to value money and use it wisely. Better still, they will learn to respect all labour. However, working while studying has some disadvantages as well. The biggest disadvantage is that it will distract students from their studies. Some students may even drop out of college. Unfortunately, this affects their career prospects because it is not possible for someone who does not have a degree to get a high paying job. By the time they realize this it will be too late. At least some of these disappointed students may indulge in illegal activities to make money quickly. To sum up, I admit that there are several benefits to working while studying. However, only those students who are serious about their studies should be encouraged to work part time. Otherwise, they may drop out spoiling their career prospects.
More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs while they are
still
at university. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
while studying can be
hugely
rewarding;
however
, it does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
as well
.

The biggest advantage of doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
independent. It boosts their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
and promotes growth.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, they can fund their studies.
For instance
, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on parents for pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or to fulfill any extra need. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them understand the importance and value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, when they toil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for purchasing an item, they learn to value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
. Better
still
, they will learn to respect all
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
while studying has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
as well
. The biggest disadvantage is that it will distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from their studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may even drop out of college. Unfortunately, this affects their career prospects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not possible for someone who does not have a degree to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high paying job. By the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they realize this it will be too late. At least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these disappointed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may indulge in illegal activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
quickly
.

To sum up, I admit that there are several benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
while studying.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are serious about their studies should
be encouraged
to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Otherwise
, they may drop out spoiling their career prospects.
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IELTS essay he biggest advantage of doing a part time job is that it makes a student independent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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