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having children at an older age has become an increasing trend in some nations

having children at an older age has become an increasing trend in some nations 2bxlA
Nowadays, having children at an older age has become an increasing trend in some nations. I believe there are a couple of reasons for this. First of all, the economy in these countries has developed greatly which means more people can afford further education, such as universities. Women are educated so they don’t marry young. And the people focus on their work instead of getting babies. In addition, children cost a lot of money now. You need to pay for housing, food, clothes, toys and education. Therefore people choose to save enough capital before having children, and that takes some time. The trend has caused some changes in both society and family life. For families, the young couples can prepare for the child better by acquiring knowledge about raising children and by earning sufficient fund. However, with a low birth rate, the society is at risk of underpopulation, resulting in insufficient number of workers and soldiers. Furthermore, some facilities, such as schools, may close down since they are not used by enough children. All in all, although postponing having children might seem to be a good choice to the newlyweds and children, the negative impacts on society should not be ignored.
Nowadays, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at an older age has become an increasing trend in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations. I believe there are a couple of reasons for this.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the economy in these countries has developed
greatly
which means more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can afford
further
education, such as universities. Women
are educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t marry young. And the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
focus on their work
instead
of getting babies.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. You need to pay for housing, food, clothes, toys and education.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
capital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and that takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time.

The trend has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in both society and family life. For families, the young couples can prepare for the child better by acquiring knowledge about raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and by earning sufficient fund.
However
, with a low birth rate, the society is at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
underpopulation
, resulting in insufficient number of workers and soldiers.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities, such as schools, may close down since they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
children.

All in all, although postponing having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might seem to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice to the newlyweds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on society should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
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IELTS essay having children at an older age has become an increasing trend in some nations

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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