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Harmful effects of video games and television on children's mental health

Harmful effects of video games and television on children's mental health DNoYo
The video game industry along with television industry has boomed since 2000's due to technological advancement. Not only that, these products are easily accessible to everyone because of fall in price. According to some people, indulging in these activities is harmful to children's mental health. Although I disagree with this statement to some extent, it is true in some scenarios. Reasons justifying my reasons will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark on, one the merits of using television and video game is that can act like a stress buster. Children nowadays have a very busy schedule as they have to work at jobs, while also studying for school which results in a lot of stress. These games and other similar services allow kids to relax and enjoy while sitting at the comfort of their home. Additionally, since there are so many varieties of games and TV shows to choose from, it can make children happy which results in improved mental state. However, there are some disadvantages to for using these services. One of the biggest flaw of these services is that it is very addictive, which in some children, can cause children to procrastinate and even hallucinate. This is very harmful as it can impact a student's personal and social life like withdrawing away from their friends and family just to play some game or watch some show. To conclude, overconsumption of entertainment products can cause serious damage to a person, however, if done in moderation, it is a great source of entertainment and a good stress reliever.
The video game industry along with television industry has boomed since
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "2000s".
2000's
due to technological advancement. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, these products are
easily
accessible to everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fall in price. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, indulging in these activities is harmful to children's mental health. Although I disagree with this statement to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it is true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scenarios. Reasons justifying my reasons will
be discussed
in the upcoming paragraphs.

To embark on, one the merits of using television and video game is that can act like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy schedule as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work at jobs, while
also
studying for school which results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and other similar services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
kids to relax and enjoy while sitting at the comfort of their home.
Additionally
, since there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
to choose from, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
happy which results in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
mental state.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to for using these services. One of the biggest flaw of these services is that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive, which in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to procrastinate and even hallucinate. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful as it can impact a student's personal and social life like withdrawing away from their friends and family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
game or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
.

To conclude
, overconsumption of entertainment products can cause serious damage to a person,
however
, if done in moderation, it is a great source of entertainment and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever.
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IELTS essay Harmful effects of video games and television on children's mental health

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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