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Great opportunity for my life

Great opportunity for my life GJQ9Q
“My life would not have been here without all of the opportunities”. This is an actual quote from myself, Nisreen who has always been looking for incredible opportunities to keep her life forward. Stamps scholarship is one of the greatest chances I have been waiting for, which is a one-hundred scholarship and enables students to pursue their education in the USA. I believe that all of my hard-working, extracurricular activities, and volunteering have shaped me into who I am today. This essay will examine why I should get this scholarship based on my qualifications. First of all, because of my diligence, so I think that I will survive any hardship in every situation. My name is Nisreen Jehka, and I am 19 years old. Throughout my school life, I have put a lot of effort to achieve all the goals that I set for myself. To be more specific, I am an enthusiastic person who loves doing homework as soon as teachers assign it. As a consequence, I always have time to do other things outside of school. Participating in competitions has always been my passion because I want to challenge myself so that I can improve myself during those times. Even Though I tend to join a lot of additional events, I never overlooked keeping the grades high so that I can be as successful as I can be, this is the reason why I still get good grades in four high school semesters. Hence, all achievements that I mentioned above came from my perseverance and I think it suits all the requirements of this scholarship. Another factor that really influenced my life is helping society. Despite the academic activities that I have reached, I always look for time to enhance my social skills by spending my leisure time greatly. Being an English tutor is one thing I usually do during my summer break. It was an incredible experience to teach young students and raise their awareness of the importance of English. Moreover, I dedicated some personal time to work on community services. I have joined a lot of social work such as being an English teacher for a local school, being a staff for a UNICEF event, running a book drive program, and so on. Thus, I gained experience and also was able to improve not only my working skills but also my life skills. The last qualification that I desire to mention is my interest. During my high school years, I struggled a lot with mental health whether stress or anxiety, this provided me with chances to learn about how our minds and emotions work. Consequently, I realize that I am passionate about getting higher education in psychology. Furthermore, I want to help people, especially students, to get through their hardships in life. If I am the one who gets this scholarship, it is an opportunity to study in the USA which is famous for its psychology degree. I think my interest in psychology will motivate me to study harder in order to meet my goal, so I will never take this scholarship for granted. In conclusion, according to all the qualifications which are my achievement and volunteer work that I mentioned above as well as the precise goal that I have. I definitely believe that I am one of the most qualified students to obtain a Stamps scholarship as it can benefit both myself and society in the future.
“My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would not have been here without
Consider using "all the".
all of the
opportunities”. This is an actual quote from myself,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nisreen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has always been looking for incredible opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
forward. Stamps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
is one of the greatest chances I have been waiting for, which is a one-hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
and enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to pursue their education in the USA. I believe that all of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working, extracurricular activities, and volunteering have shaped me into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. This essay will examine why I should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
based on my qualifications.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my diligence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I will survive any hardship in every situation. My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nisreen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jehka
, and I am 19 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Throughout my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I have put a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of effort to achieve all the goals that I set for myself. To be more specific, I am an enthusiastic person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
doing homework as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as teachers assign it. As a consequence, I always have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do other things outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Participating in competitions has always been my passion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I want to challenge myself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
myself during those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
Even Though
I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of additional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, I never overlooked keeping the grades high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can be as successful as I can be, this is the reason why I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in four high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
semesters.
Hence
, all achievements that I mentioned above came from my perseverance and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it suits all the requirements of this scholarship.

Another factor that
really
influenced my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is helping society. Despite the academic activities that I have reached, I always look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enhance my social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by spending my leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
greatly
. Being an English tutor is one thing I
usually
do during my summer break. It was an incredible experience to teach young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and raise their awareness of the importance of English.
Moreover
, I dedicated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on community services. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as being an English teacher for a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, being a staff for a UNICEF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, running a book drive program, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Thus
, I gained experience and
also
was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
my working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

The last qualification that I desire to mention is my interest. During my high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years, I struggled a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
with mental health whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or anxiety, this provided me with chances to learn about how our minds and emotions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Consequently
, I realize that I am passionate about getting higher education in psychology.
Furthermore
, I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through their hardships in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If I am the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
, it is an opportunity to study in the USA which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for its psychology degree. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
my interest in psychology will motivate me to study harder in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
my goal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I will never take this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
for granted.

In conclusion
, according to all the qualifications which are my achievement and volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that I mentioned above
as well
as the precise goal that I have. I definitely believe that I am one of the most qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to obtain a
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Stamps'" or "stamp's"?
Stamps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
as it can benefit both myself and society in the future.
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IELTS essay Great opportunity for my life

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
573 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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