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Graduating from university is still believed by some to be the best way to secure a well-paid job, others believe that gaining experience is more beneficial. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Graduating from university is still believed by some to be the best way to secure a well-paid job, others believe that gaining experience is more beneficial. Wy000
It is sometimes considered that a good education is a key to landing a plum job, while others think that being experienced is the key to secure a well-paid job. I do believe that the truth lies between these two extremes and both professional and academic background are equally valuable. First of all, university degree provides you with specific skills and knowledge that can be essential for your future occupation. For example, you can’t become a doctor without a proper theoretical background, like deep knowledge of anatomy, diseases, treatment methods, etc. Higher education provides future specialists with all necessary knowledge and specific skills. Also, nowadays internship is a part of the majority of first and higher university degree programs. Hence, university education is not by any means only theoretical and students get some experience as well. On the other hand, there are some kinds of jobs which do not require any specific education and only your personal qualities and experience can help to success. For instance, most of people who work in sales do not have any specific degree. However, it is clear that the majority of employers require that person have a university degree as well as some experience. Every individual gains experience after getting hired, but degree is usually mandatory to be applied for your first job. In conclusion I would like to occupy the middle ground regarding the importance of education and experience in landing highly paid job. It seems to me that every job requires both university degree and experience. Only a person who have both these aspects can become a well-paid specialist.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
considered that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a key to landing a plum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
being experienced
is the key to secure a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I do believe that the truth lies between these two extremes and both professional and academic background are
equally
valuable.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
provides you with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge that can be essential for your future occupation.
For example
, you can’t become a doctor without a proper theoretical background, like deep knowledge of anatomy, diseases, treatment methods, etc. Higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides future specialists with all necessary knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Also
, nowadays internship is a part of the majority of
first
and higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
programs.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not by any means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theoretical and students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
as well
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which do not require any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
your personal qualities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to success.
For instance
, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in sales do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
However
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the majority of employers require
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "that person has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that person have
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. Every individual gains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
after getting hired,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is
usually
mandatory to
be applied
for your
first
job.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
would like to occupy the middle ground regarding the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in landing
highly
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It seems to me that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requires both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
a person who have both these aspects can become a well-paid specialist.
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IELTS essay Graduating from university is still believed by some to be the best way to secure a well-paid job, others believe that gaining experience is more beneficial.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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