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Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.28

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. with this statement? v. 28
These days, some people believe that the government should spend more money on advancing the railways, while others argue that building new roads would be additional benefits. I agree with the statement that there should be more money spent on railways rather than roads because it will reduce health risks and it could expand our finances in the long run. By creating new roads for trains, mortality rates will go down, dramatically. In other words Trains, unlike other vehicles, don't emit a lot of CO2, which causes pollution and health problems, such as heart disease, migraine, and various cancer types. For instance, In China about 100 thousand people died because of air contamination, in 2015: thus, the government shifted its spendings towards a cleaner alternative, trains, which lowered the death rate by almost 28%. Furthermore, by building new railroads people will get financially richer. To put it simply, tickets at railway stations are very inexpensive: however, the lack of rail line roads makes them inconvenient for many citizens. Therefore, if the authority expends money on building more railway paths, it will make them more popular, because of its convenience, comfort, and price. For example, a research conducted in England shows that the countries with the highest number of people, who have an above average budget size are from the countries with developed railway systems. In conclusion, I completely agree that the government should construct new railroads because, as discussed in the previous 2 paragraphs, it will improve our lives both financially and personally. Besides, they are more comfortable than other means of transportation, so it makes complete sense to fund it.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend more money on advancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
, while others argue that building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
would be additional benefits. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that there should be more money spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and it could expand our finances in the long run.

By creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
for trains, mortality rates will go down,
dramatically
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words Trains, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vehicles, don't emit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
CO2, which causes pollution and health problems, such as heart disease, migraine, and various cancer types.
For instance
, In China about 100 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of air contamination, in 2015:
thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
shifted its
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings
towards a cleaner alternative, trains, which lowered the death rate by almost 28%.

Furthermore
, by building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
railroads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financially
richer. To put it
simply
, tickets at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
stations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
inexpensive:
however
, the lack of rail line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them inconvenient for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens.
Therefore
, if the authority expends money on building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
paths, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its convenience, comfort, and price.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted in England
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the countries with the highest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who have an above average budget size are from the countries with developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
systems.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
railroads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as discussed in the previous 2 paragraphs, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
both
financially
and
personally
.
Besides
, they are more comfortable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means of transportation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
complete sense to fund it.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. with this statement? v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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