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Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.20

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. with this statement v. 20
Whether or not government, should spend more expenditure on railways appears to be a moot point. In my view, investing public funds in this transportation system is of high value. With regards, to allocating budgets to railways, one of the key reasons for this is that they are safer than roads. This is because they are less affected by weather, providing faster and more reliable way. In other words, it is more convenient to be travelled daily rather than having to face traffic congestion resulted from the mass production of vehicles. As people are prone to stress and irritation upon taking a congested road. However, by providing other modes of transport, it will help them be more productive at work and more focused. Even though, roads helped in shaping many metropolitan areas by paving the way for infrastructures upon giving access in moving and delivering goods, but eventually in the advent of the industrial age, because of the mass-production of vehicles many employers will benefit from the fixed schedules. On the other hand, investing public funds in the railways would entail more benefits to the society as well as to people. One reason is that trains are more efficient and economical. People would be able to arrive at their destination on time and be more productive in their work. Thus, contributing more economic prosperity to the government. Another reason is that train lines are environmentally friendly. This type of transport does not utilize non-renewable sources, such as fossil fuels. Moreover, trains do not produce exhaust fumes, unlike vehicles which causes health problems. Therefore, rail systems are far better than roads, because they help to protect the natural world, protect the people’s health and boost more productivity at work. To sum up, government investing in railroad development can lead to more benefits such as conservation of the environment, improving individuals well being and growth of the country’s economy.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, should spend more expenditure on railways appears to be a moot point. In my view, investing public funds in this transportation system is of high value.

With regards, to allocating budgets to railways, one of the key reasons for this is that they are safer than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by weather, providing faster and more reliable way.
In other words
, it is more convenient to
be travelled
daily
rather
than having to face traffic congestion resulted from the mass production of vehicles. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and irritation upon taking a congested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
However
, by providing other modes of transport, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them be more productive at work and more focused.
Even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in shaping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metropolitan areas by paving the way for infrastructures upon giving access in moving and delivering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eventually
in the advent of the industrial age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the mass-production of vehicles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers will benefit from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
schedules.

On the other hand
, investing public funds in the railways would entail more benefits to the society
as well
as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One reason is that trains are more efficient and economical.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would be able to arrive at their destination on time and be more productive in their work.
Thus
, contributing more economic prosperity to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Another reason is that train lines are
environmentally
friendly. This type of transport does not utilize non-renewable sources, such as fossil fuels.
Moreover
, trains do not produce exhaust fumes, unlike vehicles which causes health problems.
Therefore
, rail systems are far better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to protect the natural world, protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and boost more productivity at work.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
investing in railroad development can lead to more benefits such as conservation of the environment, improving individuals
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and growth of the country’s economy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. with this statement v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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