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Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself.

Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. owPK
It irrefutably true that grey haired people need financial support to cater their needs such as medicine and so on, that; 's why some individuals of the society think that financial aid should be given to the grey-haired; however, others admit that elderly can save money for their golden age. My views are in the favor of latter views but I also think that government should give assistance up to some extent. Elderly public should be funded by government, first and foremost reason is that grey-haired people have paid taxes to the government when they were doing job in their career, therefore, they should be returned in their last phase of life as pension. To cite an example, in UK, aged inhabitants are gained financial support after completing 60 in order to take medicine, expenses of transport and accommodation. Furthermore, people not only contribute for the betterment of the society but also gave help in the holistic progress of the country as a result, fund may be allocated for elderly people. On the other hand, people can save small amount of money when they were employed, firstly, if any person earns a amount, he/she may invest in shares, debentures as well as can deposit in the bank as monthly installment which can be met in their personal expenses. These savings may offer independent livings and do not escalate the burden on the authorities as well as on the children. Last but not least, providing other facilities is infrastructure, road services, health care and so on, government unable to offer financial aid to the grey-haired. Despite this, elderly expense can be taken by their children because parents give many sacrifices in order to nurse their child as a consequence, children can take their parents responsibility on their own shoulders. To encapsulate, after mentioned all above information, it is abundantly clear that certain amount should be offered to grey-haired people by government as pension; however, individuals can hold this responsibility by saving certain amount of money when they were earning. Both government and individuals can take concrete steps in order to maintain elderly life without tensions.
It
irrefutably
true that
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
haired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support to cater their needs such as medicine and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, that; 's why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals of the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
grey-haired
;
however
, others admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
can save money for their golden age. My views are in the favor of latter views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give assistance up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

Elderly public should
be funded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
first
and foremost reason is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
grey-haired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have paid taxes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
when they were doing job in their career,
therefore
, they should
be returned
in their last phase of life as pension. To cite an example, in UK, aged inhabitants
are gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support after completing 60 in order to take medicine, expenses of transport and accommodation.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
contribute for the betterment of the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the holistic progress of the country
as a result
, fund may
be allocated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money when they
were employed
,
firstly
, if any person earns
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
, he/she may invest in shares, debentures
as well
as can deposit in the bank as monthly installment which can
be met
in their personal expenses. These savings may offer independent livings and do not escalate the burden on the authorities
as well
as on the children. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, providing other facilities is infrastructure, road services, health care and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
unable to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
grey-haired
. Despite this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
expense can
be taken
by their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sacrifices in order to nurse their child as a consequence, children can take their parents responsibility on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
shoulders.

To encapsulate, after mentioned all above information, it is
abundantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
should
be offered
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
grey-haired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as pension;
however
, individuals can hold this responsibility by saving certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money when they were earning. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals can take concrete steps in order to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
life without tensions.
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IELTS essay Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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