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governments' economical progress and other progress

governments' economical progress and other progress gxKMD
While some people think that the main role of governments is to subsidize the country economically because it reduces crime and attracts talent people to move to the country, others believe that other kinds of developments are much more pivotal as it leads directly to financial thrive. Personally, I think other kind of progress, besides economical, is more substantial and governments have to focus on it. On the one hand, in spite of the fact that authorities' tasks are manifold, some people reckon that financial thrive has to be their ultimate purpose. Once the people are satisfied financially, crime rate will decline dramatically; therefore, they claim that it's an important factor to achieve social safety. Furthermore, when countries are wealthy, many talented people could travel to it. Consequently, this would lead to various leaps in many community's sectors. Nonetheless, this seems to be true from theoretical point; however, focusing at other progress would lead to this economical thrive which in turn would bring these benefits. On the other hand, many people agree that actual prosperity of any country is impossible unless there was a real support for critical fields. For example, educational sector is a vital one, and its development means developing community militarily, industrially, agriculturally, and financially. Moreover, this category of people bet that health system is crucial element to reach countries to affluence, and any country with a devastated medical system would face the extinction danger. For instance, since COVID 19 tested the right ability for many countries to deal with sever disasters, many prosperous countries showed modest ability to handle it; therefore, countries ought to have a modern health system otherwise it can't be considered rich. In conclusion, although some people still argue that economical growth is the most desirable goal for governments, other see that other shape of growth is much more important. Personally, I think that whenever there is an educational and healthy concern, the financial improvements would be inevitable.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the main role of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
is to subsidize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
economically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
crime and attracts talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kinds of developments are much more pivotal as it leads
directly
to financial thrive.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kind of progress,
besides
economical, is more substantial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on it.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that authorities' tasks are manifold,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that financial thrive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be their ultimate purpose. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are satisfied
financially
, crime rate will decline
dramatically
;
therefore
, they claim that it's an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to achieve social safety.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are wealthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could travel to it.
Consequently
, this would lead to various leaps in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
community's sectors. Nonetheless, this seems to be true from theoretical point;
however
, focusing at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
progress would lead to this economical thrive which in turn would bring these benefits.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that actual prosperity of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is impossible unless there was a real support for critical fields.
For example
, educational sector is a vital one, and its development means developing community
militarily
,
industrially
,
agriculturally
, and
financially
.
Moreover
, this category of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bet that health system is crucial element to reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to affluence, and any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a devastated medical system would face the extinction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
For instance
, since
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID 19
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
the right ability for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to deal with sever disasters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
modest ability to handle it;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
ought to have a modern health system
otherwise
it can't
be considered
rich.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
argue that
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth is the most desirable goal for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
shape of growth is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that whenever there is an educational and healthy concern, the financial improvements would be inevitable.
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IELTS essay governments' economical progress and other progress

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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