Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

When we graduated University. Everyone faces an unemployment problem/Faces a problem with unemployment. They usually prepare for an internship or experience related to their major before graduation to prevent unemployment. They still couldn’t get a job even though they were willing to make experiences. They still can’t get a job even though they were willing to get experience. We should think about this problem. is it only the problem which didn’t live hardly when they were university student. Is it a problem of those who didn’t work hard in their university days/ or while they were in University? Although Most people tried to build their careers before graduating from university. However, unemployment rates are getting higher because, the main problem hasn’t been solved. Life expectancy is getting high in every generation, the older generation wants to work more even though they are old enough to retire. That’s why the job market is in a saturated state / the job market is in Saturation. Or the job market is saturated. . So we should consider solving the problems of both generations. For this reason, the government has to be keen on creating jobs, helping the elderly and supporting the younger generation. In my country, the Korean government encourages working abroad and helps old people get jobs after they retire/ after retirement. But these solutions also have problems/ or a problem. The problem is that the job quality is not very good due to another problem. This means that we have to develop ourselves to increase our value in the job market. For example learning languages, studying more about their majors, strength building, e. t. c. In conclusion. We should try to have high value in b market then they are not too hard to get a job. So we should take responsibility for our jobs and careers. and the government should help us to get jobs easily. In conclusion, when our value in the job market is higher, then it’s not too hard to get a job. The government should provide more jobs OR create more jobs. We should be more responsible with our jobs
When we
The verb ‘to graduate’ requires the preposition ‘from’: “graduated from”.
graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
. Everyone faces an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
problem/Faces a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
. They
usually
prepare for an internship or experience related to their major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
. They
still
couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
even though
they were willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
experiences.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
still
can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
even though
they were willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
is
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which didn’t
The adverb ‘hardly’ is usually put before the verb ‘live’.
live hardly
when they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
student. Is it a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of those who didn’t work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
days/ or while they were in University?

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tried to build their careers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rates are getting higher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
hasn’t
been solved
.

Life expectancy is getting high in every generation, the older generation wants to work more
even though
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to retire. That’s why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is in a saturated state / the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is in Saturation. Or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is saturated
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should consider solving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of both generations.

For this reason
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be keen on creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, helping the elderly and supporting the younger generation. In my country, the Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
encourages working abroad and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after they retire/ after retirement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these solutions
also
have problems/ or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
quality is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
due to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. This means that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
develop ourselves to increase our value in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
.
For example
learning languages, studying more about their majors, strength building, e. t. c.

In conclusion
. We should try to have high value in b
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
then they are not too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should take responsibility for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and careers.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
and
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
easily
.

In conclusion
, when our value in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is higher, then it’s not too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
OR create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. We should be more responsible with our
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
jobs
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts