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Government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than curing it. Do you agree or disagree?

Government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than curing it. x2D9a
Many people believe that the government should take various steps to provide health care and ensure citizens' health. In my opinion, I strongly agree that it is better that government propose public health programs for disease prevention rather than treatment. One of the major advantages of preventing illness is that it costs less than treating it. Curing a disease is too costly, and if the government just spends on treatment, it would put a strain on the state budget. However, the government will spend less on promoting campaigns to raise awareness about disease prevention. This would save the public funds and reduce the number of people who suffer from such diseases. For example, the government educates its people about the dangers and negative effects of the COVID-19 pandemic and introduces stringent measures on quarantine and social distance to prevent the pandemic from spreading. Another significant benefit of illness prevention is that it reduces the burden on national medical systems. Medical practitioners would be overworked if the number of sick patients is high, reducing the quality of medical examination and treatment. In addition, some provincial hospitals are unable to provide adequate care, and patients must be transferred to higher-level hospitals, causing these facilities to become overcrowded and slowing down the treatment process for patients. Therefore, if the number of patients is reduced, the pressure on the country's healthcare system will be reduced, and medical staff will be in a better condition to provide the best treatment to patients. In conclusion, preventing illness has far more benefits for people's health and communities than cure. Furthermore, the government should strike a balance between prevention and treatment, with a stronger focus on prevention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take various steps to provide

health care and ensure citizens' health. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is

better that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
propose public health programs for disease prevention

rather
than treatment.

One of the major advantages of preventing illness is that it costs less than treating it. Curing a disease is too costly, and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
spends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
, it would put a strain on the state budget.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will spend less on promoting campaigns to raise awareness about disease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
. This would save

the public funds and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who suffer from such diseases.

For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
educates its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative


effects of the COVID-19 pandemic and introduces stringent measures on

quarantine and social distance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the pandemic from spreading.

Another significant benefit of illness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the burden on

national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
systems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medical
practitioners would
be overworked
if the

number of sick patients is high, reducing the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
examination and

treatment.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
provincial hospitals are unable to provide adequate

care, and patients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be transferred
to higher-level hospitals, causing these

facilities to become overcrowded and slowing down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
process for

patients.
Therefore
, if the number of patients is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, the pressure on the

country's healthcare system will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
staff will be in a better

condition to provide the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
to patients.

In conclusion
, preventing illness has far more benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health and

communities than cure.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should strike a balance

between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
, with a stronger focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
.
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IELTS essay Government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than curing it.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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