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Government do not have much capabilities to assist all the masses around the world

Government do not have much capabilities to assist all the masses around the world bxyy6
Government do not have much capabilities to assist all the masses around the world, thus it should emphasis on only its own region’ improvement. I am partially agree with this statement and I shall exegesis my point of views in this essay. Several governments do not have enough funds to ensure the rudimentary demands of the masses of their own regions. Firstly, the major duty of a government is to make sure a hassle-free life of its own region’s civilians. Many government is not able to make sure a better public service sectors such as schooling and transportation. Thus, they should focus on the improvement of public sectors which will ensure a standard life of local citizens. For example, In Africa sub-continent, enormous people suffer from poverty which is necessary to be improved by the local authority. On the other hand, several governments have much wealth compared to their own country’s need. In this epoch of Science and Technology, the economy of many countries is increasing dramatically day by day, hence, they have more than enough funds to ensure the fundamental requirements of their own people. Therefore, they can help the people who belong to poor areas such as Africa. For instance, the government of the USA is one of the financially strongest governments in the world, which have enough ability to help other people around the world. To sum up, government should make sure the development of its own area first. Afterwards, people from poor regions deserve at least smidgen assist from the rich nations. Therefore, rich government should help not only their own region’s people but also other countries people those who need assist.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
do not have
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
capabilities to assist all the masses around the world,
thus
it should
Did you mean "emphasize" (American English) or "emphasise" (British English)?
emphasis
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region’
improvement. I am
partially
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this statement and I
The word 'exegesis' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
shall exegesis
my point of views in this essay.

Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to ensure the rudimentary demands of the masses of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
.
Firstly
, the major duty of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure a hassle-free life of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region’s
civilians.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure a better public service sectors such as schooling and transportation.
Thus
, they should focus on the improvement of public sectors which will ensure a standard life of local citizens.
For example
, In Africa sub-continent, enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from poverty which is necessary to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by the local authority.

On the other hand
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have much wealth compared to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country’s need. In this epoch of Science and Technology, the economy of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries is increasing
dramatically
day by day,
hence
, they have more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to ensure the fundamental requirements of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who belong to poor areas such as Africa.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of the USA is one of the
financially
A determiner is probably missing here: "the strongest".
strongest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in the world, which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the development of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
area
first
. Afterwards,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
deserve at least smidgen assist from the rich nations.
Therefore
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those who need assist.
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IELTS essay Government do not have much capabilities to assist all the masses around the world

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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