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claim that the children need to spend their time with the group activities, and the others say children should learn to occupy themselves on their own.

claim that the children need to spend their time with the group activities, and the others say children should learn to occupy themselves on their own. 9wxmj
In this century, children have a lot of options to do something in their leisure time, and their parents try to show the best for their future. Some of them claim that the children need to spend their time with the group activities, and the others say children should learn to occupy themselves on their own. The primary factor, when the parents were raising their children they always must be as a guide. Due to the fact, the children don't have any experiments about life. For this reason, parents should encourage their children t spend their free time in group activities. For instance, they will show some kinds of sport which the children have an interest in them. It will be swimming that helps to use their all muscles, and also healthful for their body too. They will spend their time with their same-age friends. This helps the children to have a good relationship with others. And ı think they can understand the importance of being in social life. On the other hand, other parents support their children to do something on their own, and these kinds of parents are worrying about the future of their children. Because nobody always can be together with the children, and that is why they are supporting the children to do something on their own. If the parents let them free, the children will learn to control their life and feelings. For example, in the past nobody cared us, and we always found to create wonderful games. Today if ı don't get bored with my daily routines the reason is nobody supported us to do something, always we did something for ourselves. To sum up everything has been stated so far, maybe we did some plans for our children but they will live what they want to do. As parents, they just need our permission to live what they want. Let's let them free.
In this century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
options to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the best for their future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the group activities, and the others say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn to occupy themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

The primary factor, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be as a guide. Due to the fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
don't have any experiments about life.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
t spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in group activities.
For instance
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of sport which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have an interest in them. It will be swimming that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their all muscles, and
also
healthful for their body too. They will spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their same-age friends. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with others. And ı
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they can understand the importance of being in social life.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, and these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are worrying about the future of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
nobody always can be together with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
that is
why they are supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them free, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn to control their life and feelings.
For example
, in the past nobody cared us, and we always found to create wonderful games.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
if ı don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored with my daily routines the reason is nobody supported us to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
, always we did
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
for ourselves.

To sum up everything has
been stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, maybe we did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plans for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
what they want to do. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need our permission to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
what they want.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them free.

IELTS essay claim that the children need to spend their time with the group activities, and the others say children should learn to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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