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Giving pocket money to children is very common in many countries. Discuss both advantages and disadvantages and what your opinion is.

Giving pocket money to children is very common in many countries. 9LoRn
Nowadays, in many nations children are given extra money for their expenses. In my opinion, it is a good trend as it encourages children for future savings and they can buy what they need. This essay will discuss both pros and cons and will lead to a logical conclusion. To begin with, children can make savings for their future with the extra funds received from their parents. That is to say, if they have saved each dollar received every day, at the end of the day they will be saving huge amount which they can use in their future career planning. For instance, in China, approximately 55% of students are using their pocket money to set up the business when they are young. Likewise, children can fulfil their requirements with the pocket money. In other words, with that pin cash it is a piece of cake to buy whatever they like, so that they do not have to beg and depend on other to afford it. However, with the extra fund children can engage in bad habits. When they take the money, no one knows what they are doing with it. Some may be buying tobaccos, alcohols and even drugs. To make the matter worse, they may use that in committing crime like murder. For example, according to The University of India, average number of children is using pocket notes in consuming alcohol and drugs. In conclusion, with the help of extra cash, children can make future savings and can afford whatever they want, but with the same cash they may be involved in bad behaviours. However, with the proper guidance and support of family that money has more advantages than disadvantages
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations
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children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their expenses. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend as it encourages
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children
for
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future
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
savings and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what they need. This essay will discuss both pros and cons and will lead to a logical conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
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make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
funds received from their parents.
That is
to say, if they have saved each dollar received every day, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day they will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
huge amount which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
career planning.
For instance
, in China, approximately 55% of students are using their pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to set up the business when they are young.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can fulfil their requirements with the pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In other words
, with that pin cash it is a piece of cake to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever they like,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
beg and depend on other to afford it.

However
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can engage in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits. When they take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, no one knows what they are doing with it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may be buying tobaccos, alcohols and even drugs. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the matter worse, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that in committing crime like murder.
For example
, according to The University of India, average number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is using pocket notes in consuming alcohol and drugs.

In conclusion
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
cash,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
and can afford whatever they want,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the same cash they may
be involved
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
However
, with the proper guidance and support of family that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has more advantages than disadvantages
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IELTS essay Giving pocket money to children is very common in many countries.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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