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Giving mobile phones to unemployed people

Giving mobile phones to unemployed people 707Wb
Some people believe that the government should give phones and access to the internet to some people due to their unemployment. This group of people believes that this is the best way to spend public money, to solve the unemployment problem. Personally, I disagree with this statement, because I think that unemployed people have a smartphone or a device, to communicate with others. The problem is that they might have a smartphone, however, they might not have internet access. The solution to the internet access problem is simple, there are a lot of internet cafes in every town, people just have to get there, and connect their devices to WIFI. The problem is, that a big amount of unemployed people, are lazy, or they do not want to work at all I believe that spending public money on unemployed people by giving them phones or internet access is not a good way to spend the money. So what unemployed people should do? I think there are a lot of works such as cashier, salesman, deliveryman that they can do. There is a better way to spend public money. It is helping poor families. In comparison with unemployed people, poor families need money help more. To sum up, all I want to say is, instead of spending the money on the people who actually can find money is not a good idea. It is much better to spend public money on helping someone who really needs money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give phones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to their unemployment. This group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that this is the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, to solve the unemployment problem.

Personally
, I disagree with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a smartphone or a device, to communicate with others. The problem is that they might have a smartphone,
however
, they might not have internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
. The solution to the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
problem is simple, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
internet
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
in every town,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
there, and connect their devices to
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
WIFI
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
problem is, that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, are lazy, or they do not want to work at
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
all


I believe that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by giving them phones or internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
what
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unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do? I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
works such as cashier, salesman, deliveryman that they can do. There is a better way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It is helping poor families.
In comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, poor families need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
more.

To sum up, all I want to say is,
instead
of spending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who actually can find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. It is much better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on helping someone who
really
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Giving mobile phones to unemployed people

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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