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Getting promotions are one of the biggest motivators for hard work in the modern workplace. Why are people so driven to receive promotions? What other factors motivate people to work hard?

In the modern workplace, a promotion becomes main motivators by the worker to be a person who work hard in the modern workplace. Most peopleare so obsessed to receive promotions for many precise directions, therefore they work so hard to get it. But promotions is not the only one reason to increase their quality of work. The promotion has become the main goal in the workplace. In other words, most people work hard to get a higher position in their office. Many ways that they would try to get a promotion such as adding work time, discipline and responsible to their job. Interestingly, they frequentlyuse their holiday time to keep working and focus on their job. Apparently, they are really obsessed to get a promotiondue to the fact thatthey want to get clapped for other people, or they want to get a higher salary and really addicted to getfancy lifestyle. Because of that, they like to work hard for getting a promotion. However promotion is not the only motivator, many other reasons stand on their mindset. Firstly, they like to word hark because since theywere child, they have educated from their parents to work hard and run into their achievement. Furthermore, they like to save their time because if they work hard, they will safe their time and spend their rest free time to gather around withfamily on the weekend. Andmany reasons again that encourage people to push out all of their strength in the workplace. In conclusion, getting promotions to become employees’ reason to work hard is acceptable as long as they can manage their time wisely. However, promotion is not the only main background to work hard. Finally, work hard is good thing for your company and it does not matter what the motivation to become a worker who workshard.
In the modern workplace, a promotion
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becomes
main motivators by the worker to be a person who
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work
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hard
in the modern workplace. Most
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peopleare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obsessed to receive promotions for
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many
precise directions,
therefore
they
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work
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so
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hard
to
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get
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
promotions is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
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reason
to increase their quality of work.

The promotion has
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become
the main goal in the workplace.
In other words
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher position in their office.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
ways that they would try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion such as adding
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work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, discipline and responsible to their job.
Interestingly
, they
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frequentlyuse
their holiday
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time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
working and focus on their job.
Apparently
, they are
really
obsessed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
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promotiondue
to the fact
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thatthey
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
clapped for other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, or they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher salary and
really
addicted to
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getfancy
lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, they like to
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work
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hard
for getting a promotion.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
promotion is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motivator,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
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reasons
stand on their mindset.
Firstly
, they like to word hark
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
since
Possible spelling mistake found.
theywere
child, they have educated from their parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and run into their achievement.
Furthermore
, they like to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they
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work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
, they will
The word "safe" is an adjective. Did you mean the verb "save"?
safe
their
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time
and spend their rest free
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time
to gather around
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withfamily
on the weekend.
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Andmany
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reasons
again that encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to push out all of their strength in the workplace.

In conclusion
, getting promotions to
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become
employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is acceptable as long as they can manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
.
However
, promotion is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
main background to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
.
Finally
,
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work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and it does not matter what the motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a worker who
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workshard
.
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IELTS essay Getting promotions are one of the biggest motivators for hard work in the modern workplace. Why are people so driven to receive promotions? What other factors motivate people to work hard?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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