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gambling and corruption in the competition

gambling and corruption in the competition jDMdy
I fully agree with the writer’s view that the commercialization of sport can create gambling and corruption in the competition for two reasons. Firstly, many people these days cannot watch a sports match without betting on the previous score, from which many bookies appear. Although legal sports betting is growing in popularity, most betting on sports competitions is illegal. It makes some people so depraved that they have to sell all their possessions because of losing bets, even thinking about death. Secondly, there is deliberate manipulation to alter the outcome or course of a sporting event. This means that players intentionally fix the match score according to pre-match agreements in exchange for huge amounts of money or some personal gain. In 2019, the Integrity Sports hotline received more than 240 allegations of corruption in the sports sector. In conclusion, I believe that gambling and corruption occur in today’s life in part due to the commercialization of sport.
I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the writer’s view that the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can create gambling and corruption in the competition for two reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
match without betting on the previous score, from which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bookies appear. Although legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
betting is growing in popularity, most betting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions is illegal. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
depraved that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sell all their possessions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of losing bets, even thinking about death.
Secondly
, there is deliberate manipulation to alter the outcome or course of a sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. This means that players
intentionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the match score according to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-match
agreements in exchange for huge amounts of money or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal gain. In 2019, the Integrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
hotline received more than 240 allegations of corruption in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
sector.
In conclusion
, I believe that gambling and corruption occur in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life in part due to the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
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IELTS essay gambling and corruption in the competition

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
157 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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