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galleries should concentrate on the history and art of their own country rather than the works of art of other parts of the world. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.2

galleries should concentrate on the history and art of their own country rather than the works of art of other parts of the world. with this opinion. v. 2
History is part of paramount in every regions, then as the task of galleries should collect some evidences that is becoming inheritances. Some views said that museums must focus on the art or history from their own regions. It is controversial in because of some reasons. On the one of point of view, the function of galleries are place of heritage goods where each them have a trustworthy narrative and become a typical past event that presents values in society. while that collecting arts from the gifted artist that is giving the best impression in public and got a good judge, therefore this museum provided for the people who is looking for about the story of history. As result, to offer some information about it, the galleries should have many evidences are inheritances from that events or stories. In conclusion, more kinds of heritages is more knowledge which will offered to visitors even will increase the existential of museum or galleries. On the other side, each areas have typical story where they will introduce their own characteristic of culture, therefore too helpful as them if the contents of gallery is their from. There are some benefits kinds of museum is traditional. The first, values of culture that is showed there will growth the public interesting of this country while that, many appreciations that are given from some communities which will improve being of this area. In addition, this happen companies an advantage as society, especially in history subject is one of the main knowledge. To sum up, to know anything globally we must learn it from the basic. That is why, my opinion that the main education is history as if it is important to find out about it although is not our culture. I disagree with the statement said that should concentrate with our history because that is will limitation our knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is part of paramount in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "region"?
regions
, then as the task of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidences
that is
becoming inheritances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
views said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on the art or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
regions. It is controversial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

On the one of point of view, the function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are place of heritage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
where each them have a trustworthy narrative and become a typical past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that presents values in society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
that collecting arts from the gifted artist
that is
giving the best impression in public and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
judge,
therefore
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
provided for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
looking for about the story of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. As result, to offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about it, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
evidences are inheritances from that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or stories.
In conclusion
, more kinds of heritages is more knowledge which will offered to visitors even will increase
The phrase 'the existential of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the existential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
or galleries.

On the other side, each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "area"?
areas
have typical story where they will introduce their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
characteristic of culture,
therefore
too helpful as them if the contents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
is their from. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is traditional. The
first
, values of culture
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
there will growth the public interesting of this country while that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
appreciations that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
being of this area.
In addition
,
The verb 'happen' is plural. Did you mean: "this happens"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this happen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
an advantage as society,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
subject is one of the main knowledge.

To sum up, to know anything globally we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn it from the basic.
That is
why, my opinion that the main education is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as if it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to find out about it although is not our culture. I disagree with the statement said that should concentrate with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
is will
limitation our knowledge.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay galleries should concentrate on the history and art of their own country rather than the works of art of other parts of the world. with this opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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