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Future of our country is in the hands of our children/ do you agree or not?

Future of our country is in the hands of our children/ do you agree or not? Lrm76
I agree with the idea that the future of the country is in the hands of our children, because they should live in this country, build and control the it. The first reason why I agree with this opinion is that children are real habitants of the country for example he/she can be a maker “, that is a person, who creates a home, family and the community, where she/he should live, or a taker the person who does not want to draw parallel with the history. We have a good example of this, when the “fathers” opposed and fought against the ideas for independence. The second reason is that our children, who are going to be the future generation, should control and build our country, culture religion and other aspects which help us the keep the nationality and the traditions we have. For instance: in every century we can notice big differences between old and new generations, such as: culture, religion and formation of the government. Furthermore, every new generation has new vision and original ideas about life standards. Sometimes these ideas are acceptable and successful, but sometimes they lead us to the destruction of the prosperous country system. In conclusion, every young person is obliged to care about the future of the country, to live in peace and wealth, as the future of the country is really in their hands.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is in the hands of our children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, build and control
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
.

The
first
reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion is that children are real habitants of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for example
he/she can be a maker “,
that is
a person, who creates a home, family and the community, where she/he should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, or a taker the person who does not want to draw parallel with the history. We have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this, when the “fathers” opposed and fought against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
for independence.

The second reason is that our children, who are going to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generation, should control and build our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, culture religion and other aspects which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the nationality and the traditions we have.
For instance
: in every century we can notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
differences between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and new generations, such as: culture, religion and formation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Furthermore
, every new generation has new vision and original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
about life standards.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
are acceptable and successful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they lead us to the destruction of the prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
system.

In conclusion
, every young person
is obliged
to care about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace and wealth, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
really
in their hands.

IELTS essay Future of our country is in the hands of our children/ do you agree or not?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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