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Full time university students should study a lot of time, but they also should be involved in other activities. To what extend do you agree?

Full time university students should study a lot of time, but they also should be involved in other activities. bbBxY
It is discussed that, not only do university students have to devote their time for studying but they also need to participate in activities connected with different spheres of life. I totally agree with the point of view as long as not only does it help them relax and find new friends but it also provides a golden opportunity to acquire some knowledge connected with their future occupation. First of all, although it is necessary for students to study diligently, spending all their time on it is a not the great idea. It is proved that such schedule can exhaust undergraduates and as a consequence to change negatively their attitude to choosen profession. So key to success for them is to spend their leasure time participating in some public activities. It does not matter whether they connected with sport, charity or part-time work, they allow for students to distract from studying routine and make new friends. Consequently, they will feel happier and be more protected from fallind into depression. Additionally, it would be the perfect solution for a student if such activity will be connected with the choosen profession. According to experience of those who did so while their studying perion, such practice can help an undergraduate to get more skills than university cources do. Graduates who already have working experience in choosen occupation are more preferable then another ones. Moreother, such activity helps create some connections which will be beneficial fo building career in the long run. In conclusion, it is incedible useful for students to have some activities outside university due to its beneficial impact on their private life and future career.
It
is discussed
that, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
devote their time for studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
need to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connected
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
spheres
of life. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point of view as long as not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relax and find new friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
provides a golden opportunity to acquire

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connected
with their future occupation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, although it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study
diligently
, spending all their time on it is a not the great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. It
is proved
that such schedule can exhaust

undergraduates and as a
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "to". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
negatively
their attitude to
Possible spelling mistake found.
choosen
profession.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
key to success for them is to spend their
Possible spelling mistake found.
leasure
time participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some


public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It does not matter whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connected
with sport, charity or part-time work, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to distract from studying routine and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends.

Consequently
, they will feel happier and be more protected from
Possible spelling mistake found.
fallind
into depression.

Additionally
, it would be the perfect solution for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connected
with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
choosen
profession. According to experience of those who did
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
so


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
their studying
Possible spelling mistake found.
perion
, such practice can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an undergraduate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than university
Possible spelling mistake found.
cources
do. Graduates who already have working experience in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
choosen


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
occupation
are more preferable
Did you mean "than"?
then
another ones.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moreother
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
connections which will be beneficial
Possible spelling mistake found.
fo
building career in the long run.

In conclusion
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
incedible
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
outside university due to its beneficial impact on their private life and future career.
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IELTS essay Full time university students should study a lot of time, but they also should be involved in other activities.

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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