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Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem? v.6

Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem? v. 6
Recently, the discussion on the fresh water has become heated. The globally increasing demand might because of the affluence and the environment. Affluence might be a crucial cause for the growing demand for fresh water. Because of the economic development, many cities in some developing countries are becoming more affluent, for example, Shanxi and Shenzhen in China. Since those people may suffer from tough lives before, they might try to feel rich by not cherishing the daily resources for their vanity. As a result of it, this might increase the demand for fresh water. Secondly, the global warming may also be a factor to this problem. Since many countries around the world live on agriculture, like Japan and Thailand, they rely on the harvest. As the weather might be fluctuating, the farmer needs to nourish the crops with fresh water to ensure its growth. Because of the global warming, the raining days are getting relatively less than before, therefore, the demand for fresh water would be increased. In order to solve these problems, the government can educate the public to cherish the natural resources as it can help us to save more fresh water in long terms. Besides, government can promote density farming as well as it requires less water for growing same amount of crops. To summarise, the increasing needs for fresh water may because people are no longer cherish these resources after getting affluence, the basic needs of the agriculture as well. By analysing this problem, I think what governments are doing is actually directly linked to the future needs to fresh water.
Recently, the discussion on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
has become heated. The globally increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the affluence and the environment.

Affluence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a crucial cause for the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the economic development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are becoming more affluent,
for example
, Shanxi and Shenzhen in China. Since those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may suffer from tough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
try to feel rich by not cherishing the daily resources for their vanity.
As a result
of it, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
water.

Secondly
, the global warming may
also
be a factor to this problem. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on agriculture, like Japan and Thailand, they rely on the harvest. As the weather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be fluctuating, the farmer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to nourish the crops with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
to ensure its growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the global warming, the raining days are getting
relatively
less than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
would
be increased
.

In order to solve these problems, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can educate the public to cherish the natural resources as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to save more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in long terms.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can promote density farming
as well
as it requires less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for growing same amount of crops.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are no longer cherish these resources after getting affluence, the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of the agriculture
as well
. By
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
this problem, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are doing is actually
directly
linked to the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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