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Forcing students to develop studies rather than talents

Forcing students to develop studies rather than talents 8YRw
In the present days, most of the parents force their children to compete with their friends. Rather than sharing the ideas and views. From my point of view, there are certain merits. But also the range of disadvantages are plethora in this concept. Which will be eloborate below. Commencing with first and foremost, nowadays most of the parents push the children to focus more concertration towards the acedemic activities. However, to some extent I will proliferise the knowledge of the students future plans. This also can enhance the either the standard of living nor the moral values. On the other hand, there are definate negative impacts. When the offspring is offered high pressure in educationa, I will either create social skill problems or molde the individual into a selfish mankind. Equally relavent to this, when students are more aimed towards the acedemic, it bring out stress and depression. This can result in children to neither commite suicide nor paves into evil paths. For an example, when the learners do not achieve the desired marks in the examination. To sum up, recapitulating from my opinion guidelines provided in the above path would be creating only stress rather than shaping up into a wonderful personality.
In the present days, most of the parents force their children to compete with their friends.
Rather
than sharing the
ideas
and views. From my point of view, there are certain merits.
But
also
the range of disadvantages are plethora in this concept. Which will be
eloborate
below. Commencing with
first
and foremost, nowadays most of the parents push the children to focus more
concertration
towards the
acedemic
activities.
However
, to
some
extent I will
proliferise
the knowledge of the students future plans. This
also
can enhance
the either the
standard of living nor the moral values.
On the other hand
, there are
definate
negative
impacts. When the offspring
is offered
high pressure in
educationa
, I will either create social
skill
problems or
molde
the individual into a selfish mankind.
Equally
relavent
to this, when students are more aimed towards the
acedemic
, it
bring
out
stress
and depression. This can result in children to neither
commite
suicide nor paves into evil paths. For an example, when the learners do not achieve the desired marks in the examination. To sum up, recapitulating from my opinion guidelines provided in the above path would be creating
only
stress
rather
than shaping up into a wonderful personality.
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IELTS essay Forcing students to develop studies rather than talents

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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