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For students keeping a hobby is beneficial or they should just focus on their studies.

For students keeping a hobby is beneficial or they should just focus on their studies. RNRNV
Hobbies are vital ingredients in the overall development of a child. Has it be a child or an adult importance of leisure time activity is prominent. There are arguments as to whether children should indulge in a pastime activity or not. Apropos of the argument, I believe that hobbies are indispensable elements of a child’s life, on account of its ability to not only relax the students after hard work in studies, but also due to its significance in inculcating creativity among the adolescents. To begin with, pastime practices are vital for releasing the stress level among the students. Nowadays, education has been extremely demanding, owing to the competition among the scholars. Hence, it is mandatory for students to indulge in stress busting activities to impart the necessary relaxation of body and soul that will increase the efficiency of the child. For an instance, as per a report from an education society of India, 20% of the students in India have a serious hobby and they are found to be 80% more efficient to that of pupils with no hobbies. Hence, hobby is a crucial ingredient in the overall efficacy of a child. In addition, due to inclusion of extracurricular activities, various children get an opportunity to transform these activities in serious career options. For an example, as per the same report mentioned as above, 30% of the students are considering the hobby as a career option due to passion involved with the hobby. Likewise, involvement in the leisure time activities germinates the creativity among the children, which is most prominent feature of overall growth of an adult nowadays. To sum up, hobbies are a crucial element for the mental relaxation and foster the creativity among the students. Moreover, due to opening another option as a career opportunity, it is justifiable to develop a hobby.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobbies
are vital ingredients in the
overall
development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Has it
Possible agreement error – use past participle here: "been".
be
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
or an adult importance of leisure time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is prominent. There are arguments
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
children should indulge in a pastime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
or not. Apropos of the argument, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are indispensable elements of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
life, on account of its ability to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
relax the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work in studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to its significance in inculcating creativity among the adolescents.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, pastime practices are vital for releasing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Nowadays, education has been
extremely
demanding, owing to the competition among the scholars.
Hence
, it is mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to indulge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
busting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to impart the necessary relaxation of body and soul that will increase the efficiency of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. For an instance, as per a report from an education society of India, 20% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in India have a serious
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hobby and
they
are found
to be 80% more efficient to that of pupils with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is a crucial ingredient in the
overall
efficacy of a child.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to inclusion of extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, various children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to transform these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in serious career options. For an example, as per the same report mentioned as above, 30% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
as a career option
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to passion involved with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
Likewise
, involvement in the leisure time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
germinates the creativity among the children, which is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
prominent feature of
overall
growth of an adult nowadays.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are a crucial element for the mental relaxation and foster the creativity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to opening another option as a career opportunity, it is justifiable to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
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IELTS essay For students keeping a hobby is beneficial or they should just focus on their studies.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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