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Some people think that attending live performances of sports events, shows etc., is better than watching those events on television. Do you agree or disagree with that view? use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer.

Some people think that attending live performances of sports events, shows etc. , is better than watching those events on television. with that view? use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer. e5A57
It is often said that entertainment is an important part of life. It helps the person to feel calm and relax. It keeps people happy and relief them from stress. People can entertain themselves either by attending live performances or by watching those performances on their televisions too. Let us discuss Both activities as follows. To begin with, attending live performances has many benefits. They help people to get connect and socialize with other people. Another benefit is, people get a chance to meet their favourite players, actors during live shows. Apart from that, the atmosphere at live locations is more exciting and warmer, as people cheering their favourite team together. In addition to it, it also helps to create memories with friends and even with other people. Moreover, the loud music system boosts up the mind with positive energy which helps to relax the mind. Furthermore, while attending live performances, people not only enjoy the live activities but also enjoy the things that happen in their surroundings. On the other side, Watching live events on television is beneficial too. First of all, a person can watch the TV in his/her comfort zone either by sitting or laying on the bed. Secondly, watching live shows on television is economical and time-saving, as there is no need to standing in a long queue for buying a ticket for the event. Also, the environmental conditions are not an issue, while watching television. For example, chilly, rainy or warmer days does not affect the mood and interest of the person. To wrap up, according to me, both mediums of entertainment are beneficial. Attending live performances get the chance to create wonderful memories and watching a live performance on TV is also a comfortable and convenient way.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that entertainment is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the person to feel calm and relax.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy and relief them from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can entertain themselves either by attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
or by watching those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
too.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us discuss Both activities as follows.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connect and socialize with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another benefit is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
players, actors during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. Apart from that, the atmosphere at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
locations is more exciting and warmer, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cheering their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
team together.
In addition
to it, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to create memories with friends and even with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, the loud music system boosts up the mind with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to relax the mind.
Furthermore
, while attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enjoy the things that happen in their surroundings.

On the other side, Watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is beneficial too.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the TV in his/her comfort zone either by sitting or laying on the bed.
Secondly
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is economical and time-saving, as there is no need to standing in a long queue for buying a ticket for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
Also
, the environmental conditions are not an issue, while watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
For example
, chilly, rainy or warmer days does not affect the mood and interest of the person.

To wrap up, according to me, both mediums of entertainment are beneficial. Attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to create wonderful memories and watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
on TV is
also
a comfortable and convenient way.
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IELTS essay Some people think that attending live performances of sports events, shows etc. , is better than watching those events on television. with that view? use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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