Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v.6

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v. 6
Shopping malls, these days, are considered major recreational spots by many but people mostly visited them for necessity in the past. This new trend has many negative impacts on youngsters and the society as a whole. This essay will argue why it is completely unnecessary for people to spend their free time in the marketplace and purchase things that they do not need at all. To begin with, modern shopping complexes offer many amenities besides products and shoppers tend to enjoy roaming around different markets and purchase whatever they like. For instance, after the end of a semester, students prefer to meet up in a shopping mall, watch a movie and later have snacks in the food court. They say this reduces the stress of the exams and make them relaxed. Besides, with the reduction of open places and parks, many families gather at a large shopping mall to enjoy their holidays. However, this is a negative trend and has health hazards. As a consequence, the young generation tends to forget the beauty of nature and the stress relief provided by the outdoor world. This, in fact, drains out the energy of the youth and makes them lethargic. For example, a walk in a park or a day in a beach refreshes the soul more evidently than a day in a mall. Due to the excessive affection towards shopping, many people become shopaholics and get into debt. To conclude, this essay argued why it is completely inappropriate for citizens to spend their free time in shopping malls. In my opinion, people should not rely on shopping malls to spend their free time and must enjoy their free time in a much energetic and enthusiastic way and thereby creating a better society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, these days,
are considered
major recreational spots by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mostly
visited them for necessity in the past. This new trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on youngsters and the society as a whole. This essay will argue why it is completely unnecessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the marketplace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things that they do not need at all.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
amenities
besides
products and shoppers tend to enjoy roaming around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
markets and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
whatever they like.

For instance
, after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of a semester, students prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie and later have snacks in the food court. They say this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of the exams and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them relaxed.
Besides
, with the reduction of open places and parks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families gather at a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
to enjoy their holidays.
However
, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend and has health hazards.

As a consequence, the young generation tends to forget the beauty of nature and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
relief provided by the outdoor world. This, in fact, drains out the energy of the youth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lethargic.
For example
, a walk in a park or a day in a beach refreshes the soul more
evidently
than a day in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
. Due to the excessive affection towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become shopaholics and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into debt.

To conclude
, this essay argued why it is completely inappropriate for citizens to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
Maybe you should omit the article 'a', leaving only "much".
a much
energetic and enthusiastic way and thereby creating a better society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts