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Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities. v.6

Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities. v. 6
More than one-tenth of the global population suffers from some sort of psychological issues and yet mental illness gets far less priority that it actually deserves. Worse, minor psychological issues are mostly ignored by the families while severe cases are heinously treated and tagged as madmen only to lock them away. There is no denying that psychical disturbance does not get the proper care and acceptance from the society all around the world. To begin with, the number of general hospitals that treat patients with bodily disease and the specialist doctors and nurses devoted to them are overwhelmingly higher than the healthcare centre and staffs allocated for mental complexities. Someone just needs to walk few blocks to notice a hospital in any city. However, this is not the case for clinics that deal with patients’ mental issues. This is a cruel discrimination when World Health Organization clearly outlines the number of patients who need psychotherapists, mental support and treatment for their psychological intricacies. Moreover, the social view towards a physically sick child is different than to an autistic child. When the parents openly discuss the sickness of the former one, the latter one tries to hide their children from being mistreated. This raises a serious question of moral integrity and social norm towards people who need special care. Due to the astigmatism of our social and healthcare system, we have so many cases of suicide and criminals in the world. When each county increases its budget to research for deadly diseases, there is scarcely any budget allocation for preventing suicides. For instance, the USA allocate a lion share of its budget for the healthcare sector, but there is no separate allocation for preventing self-destruction, as it this is not an illness at all. To conclude, the time has come for us to change the old dogma about psychological problems and understand that proper treatment for psychosocial patients is as much important as treating the physically ill people.
More than one-tenth of the global population suffers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
issues and
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
illness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
far less priority that it actually deserves. Worse, minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
issues are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by the families while severe cases are
heinously
treated and tagged as madmen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to lock them away. There is no denying that psychical disturbance does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the proper care and acceptance from the society all around the world.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the number of general hospitals that treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
with
bodily
disease and the specialist doctors and nurses devoted to them are
overwhelmingly
higher than the healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and staffs allocated for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
complexities. Someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
needs to walk few blocks to notice a hospital in any city.
However
, this is not the case for clinics that deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
issues. This is a cruel discrimination when World Health Organization
clearly
outlines the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
who need psychotherapists,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
support and treatment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
intricacies.

Moreover
, the social view towards a
physically
sick child is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
to an autistic child. When the parents
openly
discuss the sickness of the former one, the latter one tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their children from
being mistreated
. This raises a serious question of moral integrity and social norm towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who need special care. Due to the astigmatism of our social and healthcare system, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of suicide and criminals in the world. When each county increases its budget to research for deadly diseases, there is
scarcely
any budget allocation for preventing suicides.
For instance
, the USA allocate a lion share of its budget for the healthcare sector,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no separate allocation for preventing self-destruction, as it this is not an illness at all.

To conclude
, the time has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
dogma about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychological
problems and understand that proper treatment for psychosocial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
is as much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as treating the
physically
ill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses, nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own way. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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