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For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art? kYYjN
Art has been regarded as a vital part of civilization for a long time. However, these days, science, technology and business sectors have taken their place due to change in our utilities. This essay shall explore the reasons behind this trend and propose measures to divert the attention towards art. One of the major causes of this distance from traditional arts is that nowadays requirements of individuals have been changed; they need more comfort in their lives. This thing cannot be achieved by excelling in art and craft, but by the technological advancements such as automated cars and faster computers. Another important reason is the demand for the latest medical facilities due to which focus has been shifted towards research and development. For instance, the recent Coronavirus pandemic has proved to the whole world that how much we are in the dire need of novel vaccines and drugs. Despite the widely grown attention towards the sciences and business sector, we cannot deny the importance of art. This is because it connects us with our roots, and a lot can be done to acknowledge it again. First of all, people should get the chance to know about their civilization and this can be done by the government's initiatives such as increasing the expenditure on artistic fields, allowing citizens to visit the museums and galleries free of cost. Secondly, children should be encouraged to study disciplines like music and paintings in schools and also, they should be taken for the museum visits so that they would get to know about their heritage and traditional values. In conclusion, although there is a huge importance of scientific and professional disciplines, ancient culture and artwork should not be lost in this race of life. Therefore, government and citizens should jointly contribute to reverse this trend by considering the measures proposed above.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
has
been regarded
as a vital part of civilization for a long time.
However
, these days, science, technology and business sectors have taken their place due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our utilities. This essay shall explore the reasons behind this trend and propose measures to divert the attention towards art.

One of the major causes of this distance from traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is that nowadays requirements of individuals have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
; they need more comfort in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This thing cannot
be achieved
by excelling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and craft,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by the technological advancements such as automated cars and faster computers. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is the demand for the latest medical facilities due to which focus has
been shifted
towards research and development.
For instance
, the recent Coronavirus pandemic has proved to the whole world that how much we are in the dire need of novel vaccines and drugs.

Despite the
widely
grown attention towards the sciences and business sector, we cannot deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it connects us with our roots, and a lot can
be done
to acknowledge it again.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to know about their civilization and this can
be done
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's initiatives such as increasing the expenditure on artistic fields, allowing citizens to visit the museums and galleries free of cost.
Secondly
, children should
be encouraged
to study disciplines like music and paintings in schools and
also
, they should
be taken
for the museum visits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about their heritage and traditional values.

In conclusion
, although there is a huge importance of scientific and professional disciplines, ancient culture and artwork should not
be lost
in this race of life.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and citizens should
jointly
contribute to reverse this trend by considering the measures proposed above.
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IELTS essay For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?