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finding the most convenient option

finding the most convenient option 1bMjL
From finding the most convenient option to the risks involved with each, there is no doubt that there are benefits and drawbacks to both methods. However, I have leaned towards the side that doesn’t support Geordie’s decision. I believe that he should have gone with the second option rather than the first. Here are my reasons: Although bank loans give you the ability to budget and get a big sum of money at once, how Geordie was going to pay back the bank loan should be put into consideration. Geordie needed the finance to build the start-up; the premise will cost $400, 000 and the refurbishment cost will be $120, 000. Already these two bills have a sum of $520, 000; this causes troubles as this number is more than the amount the bank offered to loan him ($500, 000 without interest). This means that Geordie would have to pay the remaining through personal savings. This would not be convenient to him as he also needs enough money to pay daily expenses such as food, shelter (rent), house bills and many other things. He also might have a family or want to in the future, this would mean the previous expenses would increase and additional costs to take care of children would be added. If Geordie was to pay the remaining money through personal savings, it would limit the amount spent on daily expenses. This would make things very tight for him (and maybe his family). This amount doesn’t include the 4. 5% interest that would increase the price to around $522, 500, making things even tighter. With a venture capital, Geordie doesn’t have to pay back the money as the venture capitalist would have a certain share in the business. This is one of the main reasons why Geordie didn’t make the right decision. The second reason that drew me to this side was finances post-startup. His cash flow forecast predicted sales of $0. 7 million and a running cost of $0. 47 million in the first six months. This would mean that Geordie would make $0. 23 million in profits. This is great news however this number is only predicted and isn’t one hundred percent accurate. What will happen if running costs are higher than expected? What if the demand for this type of product decreases suddenly? What will happen if the customer isn’t happy with the product given and asks for them to redo? What if their supply line got cut off suddenly? These factors needed to be considered and were a very big risk to Geordie’s business. Geordie was optimistic about the idea and had thought it through thoroughly. However, Geordie needs to identify how strong his plan is and consider what will happen if things don’t go according to plan. If things do go wrong, they still need to repay the bank since they still demand the loan to be paid. This would make things more difficult for Geordie and is one of the biggest disadvantages of bank loans. The last explanation for my thoughts is the huge advantage of having a venture capitalist. Venture capitalists are well connected in the business world, especially in this case with the venture capitalist having experience in the construction industry. This means that they can introduce and bring more customers and businesses, which will increase the profits for Geordie. One of the biggest disadvantages of having a venture capitalist is that they normally require a certain amount of stake in the business. In this case, the venture capitalists have 49% stake and Geordie will have 51%. The advantageous 2% shows that Geordie would have more power and control over the decision making. Therefore, he would still have some control over the business. This is another reason why Gerodie should have chosen the second option. Both were great options that offered huge benefits; the first option gave the privilege to budget and to get large sums of money quickly and the second gave us the services of having a venture capitalist and has lower risk overall. Ultimately, I believe that the venture capitalist outranks the bank loan due to the advantages of having a venture capitalist, not having to pay the money back whilst still having control over the business
From finding the most convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved with each, there is no doubt that there

are benefits and drawbacks to both methods.
However
, I have leaned towards the side that doesn’t

support
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
’s decision. I believe that he should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gone with
the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
rather
than the

first
. Here are my reasons:

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
give you the ability to budget and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at once, how
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie


was going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
back the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
should
be put
into consideration.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
needed the finance to

build the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up; the premise will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
$400, 000 and the refurbishment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
will be $120, 000.

Already these two bills have a sum of $520, 000; this causes troubles as this number is more than the

amount the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
offered to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
him ($500, 000 without interest). This means that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
would have

to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the remaining through personal savings. This would not be convenient to him as he
also
needs

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
daily expenses such as food, shelter (rent),
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
bills and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things.

He
also
might have a family or want to in the future, this would mean the previous expenses would

increase and additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
to take care of children would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
. If
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
was to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the

remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
through personal savings, it would limit the amount spent on daily expenses. This

would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tight for him (and maybe his family). This amount doesn’t include the 4. 5%

interest that would increase the price to around $522, 500, making things even tighter. With a venture

capital,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
doesn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
back the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capitalist
would have a certain

share in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This is one of the main reasons why
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
didn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the right decision.

The second reason that drew me to this side was finances post-startup. His cash flow forecast

predicted sales of $0. 7 million and a running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of $0. 47 million in the
first
six months. This would

mean that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
$0. 23 million in profits. This is great news
however
this number is

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
predicted and isn’t one hundred percent accurate. What will happen if running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
are higher

than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
? What if the demand for this type of product decreases
suddenly
?
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
What
will happen if

the customer isn’t happy with the product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asks for
them to redo?
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
What
if their supply line

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off
suddenly
? These factors needed to
be considered
and were a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
’s

business.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
was optimistic about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it through
thoroughly
.
However
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
needs to identify how strong his plan is and consider what will happen if things don’t go

according to plan. If things do go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, they
still
need to repay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
since they
still
demand the

loan to
be paid
. This would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
things more difficult for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
and is one of the biggest

disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
loans.

The last explanation for my thoughts is the huge advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capitalist
. Venture

capitalists are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well connected
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
world,
especially
in this case
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venture
capitalist

having experience in the construction industry. This means that they can introduce and bring more

customers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, which will increase the profits for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
. One of the biggest

disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capitalist
is that they
normally
require a certain amount of stake in

the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
In this case
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capitalists
have 49% stake and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
will have 51%. The

advantageous 2%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geordie
would have more power and control over the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.

Therefore
, he would
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
control over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This is another reason why
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gerodie


should have chosen the second option.

Both were great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
that offered huge benefits; the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
gave the privilege to budget and to

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
large sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
quickly
and the second gave us the services of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capitalist
and

has lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
overall
.
Ultimately
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capitalist
outranks the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
due to

the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capitalist
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
back whilst
still
having

control over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
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IELTS essay finding the most convenient option

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
710 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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