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Finding job satisfaction is considered luxury in some developing countries. Why do you think that is? Do you think job satisfaction is important v.1

Finding job satisfaction is considered luxury in some developing countries. Why do you think that is? Do you think job satisfaction is important v. 1
Finding an ideal job and being contended with the it is every individual’s need. However, in some countries getting such post is considered luxury, as not many people are happy with what they are doing. In this essay I will discuss the cause of this scenario and explain why job satisfaction is crucial. Firstly, in developing countries there is very low job creation as per production of the manpower in the specific field. As a result, a greater number of people need to fight for fewer seats. For instance, in Nepal more the five hundred medical practitioners are produced in a year, but the vacancy is only about one hundred. Now, the rest of them are forced to do irrelevant work for the living which do not give them expected salary and technical knowledge. Furthermore, it has led to frustration and dissatisfaction among the youth. Secondly, doing full time job is spending a lot of our time. Hence, self-satisfying job is vital for every individual. However, this gratification develops when people enjoy doing things they have learned. Nevertheless, People who are happy are always creative and they help grow business in a next level. Furthermore, satisfied employee has a perfect work life balance. To illustrate, many successful professionals live a healthy and quality life with their family and friends. To conclude, there are very less opportunities for the people the work in the field they want to. Therefore, having a satisfied job is always a dream to come true in many countries. In my opinion, being happy for whatever we are doing is essential for a perfect life balance.
Finding an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
being contended
with
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
is every individual’s need.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries getting such post
is considered
luxury, as not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are happy with what they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
. In this essay I will discuss the cause of this scenario and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is crucial.

Firstly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
creation as per production of the manpower in the specific field.
As a result
, a greater number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to fight for fewer seats.
For instance
, in Nepal more the five hundred medical practitioners
are produced
in a year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the vacancy is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about one hundred.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, the rest of them
are forced
to do irrelevant work for the living which do not give them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
salary and technical knowledge.
Furthermore
, it has led to frustration and dissatisfaction among the youth.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
full time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
our time.
Hence
, self-satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is vital for every individual.
However
, this gratification develops when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things they have learned.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are happy are always
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
creative and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
grow business in a
next
level.
Furthermore
, satisfied employee has a perfect
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy and quality life with their family and friends.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the work in the field they want to.
Therefore
, having a satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is always a dream to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. In my opinion, being happy for whatever we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
is essential for a perfect life balance.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Finding job satisfaction is considered luxury in some developing countries. Why do you think that is? Do you think job satisfaction is important v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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