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financial must be compulsory in education instutes explain your opinion

financial must be compulsory in education instutes explain your opinion Dwe3p
Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? It is an obvious fact that today is the financial aspect is one of the important themes almost in educational institutions I totally agree with this statement and there seems to be two main causes I will discuss here. Firstly, parents whose children are studying in commercial school are more confident on child’s future intelligence. Furthermore, qualified teachers’ staff does their best to led pupils to the right path. Which means that, tutors’ high salary in commercial education institutions could guarantee their best regard to work. Consequently, youngsters’ rising interest to subjects will be the reason of a regularly school attendance, besides it will not seem burdensome. Secondly, the income which is coming from will be directed to the government budget to further development of education infrastructure. Simultaneously, it may effect on rising of another commercialized schooling. Besides, well performed education system will lead to scientific prosperity of the country’s future. Supportive environment of education structure will be the right way which is chosen by government. in summarising the fact which must be underlined that paying for qualitative youth study is more reliable, what means that investing in children tuition you built their future. Similarly, the intelligence of descendants will be the great wealth what they inherited of ancestors.
Financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree with this statement?

It is an obvious fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is the financial aspect is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
themes almost in educational institutions I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and there seems to be two main causes I will discuss here.

Firstly
, parents whose children are studying in commercial school are more confident on child’s future intelligence.
Furthermore
, qualified teachers’ staff does their best to led pupils to the right path. Which means that, tutors’ high salary in commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
institutions could guarantee their best regard to work.
Consequently
, youngsters’ rising interest to subjects will be the reason of a
You used an adverb ('regularly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('school') instead of another adjective.
regularly school
attendance,
besides
it will not seem burdensome.

Secondly
, the income which is coming from will
be directed
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget to
further
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
infrastructure.
Simultaneously
, it may
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on rising of another commercialized schooling.
Besides
, well performed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system will lead to scientific prosperity of the country’s future. Supportive environment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
structure will be the right way which
is chosen
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarising' is British English.
summarising
the fact which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be underlined
that paying for qualitative youth study is more reliable, what means that investing in children tuition you built their future.
Similarly
, the intelligence of descendants will be the great wealth what they inherited of ancestors.
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IELTS essay financial must be compulsory in education instutes explain your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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