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Fast food restaurants and super markets funds schools to promote their products. Is it positive or negative?

Fast food restaurants and super markets funds schools to promote their products. Is it positive or negative? pJaYD
In current scenario, it is a commonly observed pattern that schools will usually promote fast food items as they are funded by large fast food chains and supermarkets. Diet is an integral part of any children’s development, and regular consumption of unhealthy fast food will result into adverse effects. With supporting reasons and prominent examples I will back my above mentioned notion. School is a place to develop our physical and mental aspects of our body, and there is a very common saying, “A healthy body means a healthy mind”. Schools are known as the Temple of Learning and education, saying this if a child finds same toxic fast food every day, eventually they will develop a habit of eating those unhealthy food items. For an instance, in a recent survey it was found that approximately 75% of school goers are facing from obesity. Additionally, by promoting such edibles-schools are reflecting a wrong notion on parents. Some nuance parents will unfortunately start believing that there’s nothing wrong in providing fast foods to children. On contrary, by incorporating a small portion of fast food items on everyday menu, schools can really make students to enjoy their meals. It is a known fact that, by eating favorite food items our brain will generate dopamine which in turn makes a person happy. After introspecting and going through various adverse effects of fast foods, I’m in my firm belief that schools should not encourage the consumption fast food items. I believe, a perfect balance of a small portion of fast food and numerous healthy food choices, will be a great benefit for both schools and students.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, it is a
commonly
observed pattern that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
usually
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
as they
are funded
by large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains and supermarkets. Diet is an integral part of any children’s development, and regular consumption of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will result into adverse effects. With supporting reasons and prominent examples I will back my above mentioned notion.

School is a place to develop our physical and mental aspects of our body, and there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common saying, “A healthy body means a healthy mind”.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
are known
as the Temple of Learning and education, saying this if a child finds same toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
every day,
eventually
they will develop a habit of eating those unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. For an instance, in a recent survey it
was found
that approximately 75% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
goers are facing from obesity.
Additionally
, by promoting such edibles-schools are reflecting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
notion on parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
nuance parents will unfortunately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
believing that there’s nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to children.

On contrary, by incorporating a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
on everyday menu,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
students to enjoy their meals. It is a known fact that, by eating favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
our brain will generate dopamine which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person happy.

After introspecting and going through various adverse effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, I’m in my firm belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should not encourage the consumption
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. I believe, a perfect balance of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and numerous healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices, will be a great benefit for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and students.
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IELTS essay Fast food restaurants and super markets funds schools to promote their products. Is it positive or negative?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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