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fast food as the reason of overweight children phenomenon

fast food as the reason of overweight children phenomenon 75wO2
Currently, there is an escalation of overweight children in some developed countries. On the one side, some parties view that this condition cannot be separated from the junk food appearance, which is seducing many children to consume it. Nevertheless, there are a number of people who argue that the main reason is the incapability of their parents to prevent the children from consuming that unhealthy food excessively. Personally, I partially agree that the popularity of junk food has a big responsibility in this condition, as the children, nowadays, have a closer access with media which is known as the center of that food’s marketing. Therefore, there is also another variable, namely the parents’ supervising, which influences this condition eiter. It has been known that the epicentrum of numerous products popularization, including fast food, is located on media. In this case, media could serves the fast food companies’ marketing vision by affording netizen as the potential customers. An example that may illustrates this condition is when we are reaching a social media like Instagram. Through this medium, we have been realizing that the posts in our timeline will not contain of news from the accounts that we have followed. Instead, there are a number of sponsors which also appear. Regarding this, parents supposed to have a vital role to educate their children. While their children are being the part of internet users, parents’ have to open the children’s eyes about the interesting product’s marketing that actually may lead them to consume the product excessively. One of the example strategies which could be done by the parents is building an intensive sharing session with their children, which could become the parents’ source to help the children filter the contents that may be seduced them to consume junk food. In conclusion, the appearance of fast food nowadays has a strong relation with the massive marketing campaign from the media. Hence, parents’ should be aware of this condition by prevent their children to become the next blind consumers of that food.
Currently
, there is an escalation of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. On the one side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parties view that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
cannot
be separated
from the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
appearance, which is seducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to consume it.
Nevertheless
, there are a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that the main reason is the incapability of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from consuming that unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
excessively
.
Personally
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the popularity of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, nowadays, have a closer access with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
which
is known
as the center of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
.
Therefore
, there is
also
another variable,
namely
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
supervising, which influences this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
Possible spelling mistake found.
eiter
.

It has
been known
that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
epicentrum
of numerous
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "products'" or "product's"?
products
popularization, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
is located
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "serve"
serves
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
vision by affording netizen as the potential customers. An example that may illustrates this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
is when we are reaching a social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like Instagram. Through this medium, we have been realizing that the posts in our timeline will not contain of news from the accounts that we have followed.
Instead
, there are a number of sponsors which
also
appear.

Regarding this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
supposed to have a vital role to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are being the part of internet users,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
open the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
eyes about the interesting product’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
that actually may lead them to consume the product
excessively
. One of the example strategies which could
be done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is building an intensive sharing session with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which could become the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
source to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
filter the contents that may
be seduced
them to consume junk food.

In conclusion
, the appearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
nowadays has a strong relation with the massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
campaign from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
should be aware of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become the
next
blind consumers of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
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IELTS essay fast food as the reason of overweight children phenomenon

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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