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Famous people working in the entertainment industry such as movie stars and sports figures are often paid millions of dollars in one single year. Many people think this is unfair while poverty is still a big problem. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Famous people working in the entertainment industry such as movie stars and sports figures are often paid millions of dollars in one single year. Many people think this is unfair while poverty is still a big problem. with this opinion? gqRoA
It is a concerning fact that these days the individuals who work in entertainment are paid a huge salary. From my perspective, I partly assent to this point of view. Therefore, this essay will discuss the causes leading to this reality and explain why celebrities deserve to have a substantial income before coming to a reasonable conclusion. To begin with, there are many understandable reasons why many entertainers such as movie stars, singers, and sports figures get a great deal of money. The primary reason is that the growing popularity of entertainment plays a pivotal role in the development of a country. For example, through movies, music videos, . . the entertainers bring an enormous motivation and inspiration to residents which help them relieve the stress after their hard-working day. In addition, the evolution of the entertainment industry brings a huge contribution to the improvement of a country’s reputation, which promotes this country’s image to the world. The celebrities who represent their country participate in the world's competitions which puts this country's entertainment industry on the world’s map. Furthermore, the main resource of the national budget is from the figure of the public who contribute the major portion to the country's total such as tax, entertainers’ income tax, . . . that help the quality of citizens’ life keeps improving. Another reason is that the celeb’s income not only reflects their amount of working time but also makes them practice as much as possible to maintain the positive professional images and their quality’s product keeps becoming better. For instance, individuals working in the entertainment industry have a busy working schedule until midnight while normal workers have a nine-to-five job. Therefore, there is no doubt that figures of the public should be paid a higher salary than other occupations. On the other hand, it is claimed that the big names should have the as same as salary other people in other jobs. The major reason is that the high level of income disparities will pose a serious threat to the balance of the country's economy which is a leading contributor to the gap between the rich and people who have a meager income. As a result, people working in different employment will feel dissatisfied with their salaries that would lead to tensions and conflicts. Thus, demonstrations are happening in some parts of the world in order to achieve a fair income In conclusion, famous people’s attractive salary is beneficial to some extent. However, in my point of view, I am inclined that every individual should have a fair income
It is a concerning fact that these days the individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in entertainment
are paid
a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. From my perspective, I partly assent to this point of view.
Therefore
, this essay will discuss the causes leading to this reality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why celebrities deserve to have a substantial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a reasonable conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
understandable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
entertainers such as movie stars, singers, and sports figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a great deal of money. The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the growing popularity of entertainment plays a pivotal role in the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, through movies, music videos
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
entertainers bring an enormous motivation and inspiration to residents which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working day.
In addition
, the evolution of the entertainment industry brings a huge contribution to the improvement of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
reputation, which promotes this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
image to the world. The celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
participate in the world's competitions which puts this country's entertainment industry on the world’s map.
Furthermore
, the main resource of the national budget is from the figure of the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
contribute the major portion to the country's total such as tax, entertainers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
tax
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the quality of citizens’ life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
improving. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the celeb’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reflects their amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them practice as much as possible to maintain the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
professional images and their quality’s product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
becoming better.
For instance
, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the entertainment industry have a busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
schedule until midnight while normal workers have a nine-to-five job.
Therefore
, there is no doubt that figures of the public should
be paid
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
occupations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it
is claimed
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
names should have the as same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs. The major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
disparities will pose a serious threat to the balance of the country's economy which is a leading contributor to the gap between the rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a meager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
employment will feel dissatisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
that would lead to tensions and conflicts.
Thus
, demonstrations are happening in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world in order to achieve a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
income

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
However
, in my point of view, I
am inclined
that every individual should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
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IELTS essay Famous people working in the entertainment industry such as movie stars and sports figures are often paid millions of dollars in one single year. Many people think this is unfair while poverty is still a big problem. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
427 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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