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Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. with this statement GGK2
It is argued that paying taxes in order to encourage the education system of the government should not be obligatory for parents whose children go to private schools. I totally disagree with this statement and my reasons will be given in the following paragraphs. First of all if people give money to authority as taxes they will contribute for the country’s development. This is due to the reason that with this money state education system will be improved and a high qualified state education system can lead to better educated young people who are able to be the key to a prosperous nation. Every work place needs this kind of employees who are more intelligent than those who cannot gather a good knowledge because of poor state schools. To give an example from my own experience I studied in a school that had not got a chemistry lab that’s why most of the students graduated my school are not good at chemistry even now. If our government had had enough money to organize a laboratory with all necessary equipments, we would have studied chemistry well. In addition to this some people feel pleasant to contribute to their country. This is because of that, in recent years, there are people who are in good financial condition and they want to help their government by paying more taxes. They desire the education system to get improved. For instance, last year numbers of rich people gave books to the state schools, this means that they are ready to support the government even by giving financial help. To sum up, in my opinion all people including families whose children are the pupil of private schools should pay taxes in order to contribute the progress of state schools.
It
is argued
that paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
in order to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not be obligatory for parents whose children go to private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I
totally
disagree with this statement and my reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the following paragraphs.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give money to authority as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
they will contribute for the country’s development. This is due to the reason that with this money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and a high qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can lead to better educated young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are able to be the key to a prosperous nation. Every work place needs this kind of employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are more intelligent than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot gather a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. To give an example from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience I studied in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a chemistry lab that’s why most of the students
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at chemistry even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. If our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to organize a laboratory with all necessary equipments, we would have studied chemistry well.

In addition
to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel pleasant to contribute to their country. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, in recent years, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
condition and
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
by paying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
. They desire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
For instance
, last year numbers of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gave books to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, this means that they are ready to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
even by giving financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

To sum up, in my opinion all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including families whose children are the pupil of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
in order to contribute the progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
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IELTS essay Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. with this statement

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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