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Failure is a proof that the desire wasn't strong enough to what extent do you agree with this statement give reasons for your answer

Failure is a proof that the desire wasn't strong enough to what extent give reasons for your answer nWp7
Being unsuccessful is an evidence that one’s yearning was not good enough. I absolutely do not agree with this saying. There are reasons why an individual fail to attain his goal. One reason is because of fate and another is there are people who are better than others. Many people want to be successful in life. They aim to be the best in the field they have chosen, also they wish to have the properties they dreamt of like to own their dream house and to ride in a luxury car. Those are just some of the reason why a person strives hard. However, there are no assurance that when a person does everything in his might, everything he dream will happen. Fate is something that befalls into someone, it is an event where in no one can ever control what is meant to happen. For an instance, I have planned to work abroad after graduating from the University and getting a two-year experience as a nurse. I studied hard, work diligently and I was focus on my goal that I never entertained any kind of distractions. However, 16 years had passed and yet I’m still working in the same hospital because of the unexpected events that happened. I failed to make my plan happen because it might not be the right time yet and it is not because I did not have a strong will and perseverance. The world is full of competition. People are fighting to be the top in their chosen profession, to have the most expensive property they could attain. Many people give their best to outwit others so that they can be number one on their chosen career yet some people do the same and because of that many fail to succeed on their desired goal not because they did not work hard and no enough motivation but because there are people better than them. In conclusion, failure does not imply that a person has no enough motivation and determination. Fate and competition are some reason why some people fail to have their goals.
Being unsuccessful is an evidence that one’s yearning was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. I
absolutely
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this saying. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why an individual fail to attain his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fate and another is there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are better than others.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be successful in life. They aim to be the best in the field they have chosen,
also
they wish to have the properties they dreamt of like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and to ride in a luxury car. Those are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why a person strives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
However
, there are no assurance that when a person does everything in his might, everything he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "dreams", "dreamed", "dreamt".
dream
will happen. Fate is something that befalls into someone, it is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
where in no one can ever control what
is meant
to happen. For an instance, I have planned to work abroad after graduating from the University and getting a two-year experience as a nurse. I studied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diligently and
I was focus on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
that I never entertained any kind of distractions.
However
, 16 years had
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
passed and
yet
I’m
still
working in the same hospital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unexpected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that happened. I failed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my plan happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it might not be the right time
yet
and it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I did not have a strong will and perseverance.

The world is full of competition.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are fighting to be the top in their chosen profession, to have the most expensive property they could attain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give their best to outwit others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can be number one on their chosen career
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do the same and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
Possible agreement error. The noun fail seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much fail", "a good deal of fail".
many fail
to succeed on their desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
motivation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better than them.

In conclusion
, failure does not imply that a person has no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
motivation and determination. Fate and competition are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail to have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
.
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IELTS essay Failure is a proof that the desire wasn't strong enough to what extent give reasons for your answer

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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