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Faced with the potential consequences from the heavy school workload, some parents su

Faced with the potential consequences from the heavy school workload, some parents su lXWLD
Faced with the potential consequences from the heavy school workload, some parents suggest reducing their children’s pressure by getting their children to participate in more physical activities. From my perspective, however, I partially agree with this view. On the one hand, it is noteworthy that encouraging children to exercise leads to many physical benefits. Scientific studies have shown that although it is invisible, devoting to education for academic achievements during juvenile stage is at the expense of normal physical growth due to the lack of time for outdoor activities. Therefore, it will be a mistake to overlook the fact that children who give high commitment of time to education are inclined to adopt sedentary lifestyle, which in turn may cause health problems, typically obesity and nearsightedness. This example is the illustration of the fact that if children spend more time exercising and participating in physical activities moderately, they can protect themselves from common health problems resulted from inactivity. On the other hand, students need to spend time on study for the highly competitive pressure of education. According to sociological researches, the laborintensive economy has gradually developed to knowledge-based economy, graduates from prestigious schools with outstanding academic qualifications are sought-after by employers and head-hunters, especially in fields with high level of specialization. In fact, the evaluation for university admission is largely based on academic performance as the prerequisite, and in most cases admission committees give little weight to student’s performances in sports. Therefore, spending more time on studies rather than sports is more recommended for most children. In conclusion, there are many merits of doing physical activities, but for children, these benefits should not impact on their regular academic schooling.
Faced with the potential
consequences from
the heavy

school workload,
some
parents suggest reducing their

children’s pressure by getting their children to

participate in more physical activities. From my

perspective,
however
, I
partially
agree
with this view.

On the one hand, it is noteworthy that encouraging

children to exercise leads to
many
physical benefits.

Scientific studies have shown that although it is

invisible, devoting to education for academic

achievements during juvenile stage is at the expense of

normal physical growth due to the lack of
time
for

outdoor activities.
Therefore
, it will be a mistake to

overlook the fact that children who give high

commitment of
time
to education
are inclined
to adopt

sedentary lifestyle, which in turn may cause health

problems,
typically
obesity and nearsightedness. This

example is the illustration of the fact that if children

spend more
time
exercising and participating in physical

activities
moderately
, they can protect themselves from

common health problems resulted from inactivity.

On the other hand
, students need to spend
time
on

study for the
highly
competitive pressure of education.

According to sociological researches, the
laborintensive
economy has
gradually
developed to

knowledge-based economy, graduates from prestigious

schools with outstanding academic qualifications
are sought
-after by employers and head-hunters,
especially


in fields with high level of specialization. In fact, the

evaluation for university admission is
largely
based on

academic performance as the prerequisite, and in most

cases admission committees give
little
weight to

student’s performances in sports.
Therefore
, spending

more
time
on studies
rather
than sports is more

recommended for most children.

In conclusion
, there are
many
merits of doing physical

activities,
but
for children, these benefits should not

impact on their regular academic schooling.
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IELTS essay Faced with the potential consequences from the heavy school workload, some parents su

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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