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extreme activities and mountain climbing

extreme activities and mountain climbing ljNa9
In Canada they do ski sport that kind of sport is risky and dangerous. some of the people are climbing without any safety equipment can you imagine that on the other hand, some people are not following climbing without safety tools. I think the human is thirsty to get more and more level of adrenaline to fells his desire against the adventure, they called them lovers of adrenaline. in my opinion, it's useful to find your soul what it's preferred but always safety first when it comes to your life because the person doesn't know what is the risk is he heads to especially young people (teenagers). the accident became a higher number on last 10 years according to newspaper and media. in Spain for example that chasing the bulls under the of entertainment, by wearing red shirts and runs around the angry bull. that kind of sport is differently deadly but they are not caring what is the risk of this sport. Do some people find that risky activities are helpful how is that? when you ask one of them he tells me this is the way I feel comfortable because its releases my energy. Weary that thought, that is such as suicide but on another way. in spite of they never need it or they can do it by other activities, for example, walking into the beach riding a horse sightseeing views and do exercise in the last extreme activities its similar deathly so we should avoid it, also we should advise our friends about it
In
The comma is probably missing here: "Canada, they".
Canada they
do ski
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is risky and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are climbing without any safety equipment can you imagine that
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not following climbing without safety tools. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the human is thirsty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more and more level of adrenaline to fells his desire against the adventure, they called them lovers of adrenaline.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my opinion, it's useful to find your soul what it's preferred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
always safety
first
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to your life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the person doesn't know what is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
is he heads to
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
).
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
accident became a higher number on last 10 years according to newspaper and media.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
Spain
for example
that chasing the bulls under the of entertainment, by wearing red shirts and runs around the angry bull.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
differently
deadly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not caring what is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find that risky activities are helpful how is that?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
you ask one of them he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
me this is the way I feel comfortable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its releases my energy. Weary that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
that is
such as suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on another way.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
spite of they never need
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it or
they can do it by other activities,
for example
, walking into the beach riding a horse sightseeing views and do exercise in the last extreme activities its similar deathly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should avoid it,
also
we should advise our friends about
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS essay extreme activities and mountain climbing

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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