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Extra classes for children after school

Extra classes for children after school 3ANK5
Nowadays, not only adults are getting busy with hours and hours working but also do the school-age children, who have to spend lots more hours on studying than their parents did before. As the fact that extra classes now become an acceptable education norm for many countries around the world, especially Asian schools, children now have to struggle much more nerve-racking problems with them than society can ever imagine. Firstly, attending too many extra classes on weekdays and even the weekends leads to the lack of time for kids. As a result, they don’t have enough time to relax by taking up an interesting hobby such as learn how to play an instrument or playing popular sports which can improve their physical health as well as their mental health. In addition, due to the lack of time, kids are no longer hanging out with their friends or taking part in any outside activity. Hence, their ability to communicate with others and the lack of social skill now become serious issues for parents when raising their kids. Secondly, the expectations of parents on their children put the kids under a lot of pressure as the parents want their kids to be always at top of classes and get insanely high scores for every test. According to some researchers, over-studying doesn’t make the kids become more intelligent or smarter, however, attending too many extra classes such as maths or science subjects can cause children’s cognitive impairment especially for young kids for example, kindergarten and primary school students due to a large amount of time focusing, lacking sleep and being stress. Furthermore, extra classes normally provide theoretical lessons which are mostly the same with compulsory classes while teenagers need more particular skills, for instance, critical thinking, time management, etc. In conclusion, governments and parents should join hand to create educational systems which are more practical, creative and stress-free environment for their children and extra classes should be banned and substituted by soft skills classes instead.
Nowadays, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adults are getting busy with hours and hours working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
do the school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend lots more hours on studying than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. As the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become an acceptable education norm for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world,
especially
Asian schools,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle much more nerve-racking problems with them than society can ever imagine.

Firstly
, attending too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
on weekdays and even the weekends leads to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
As a result
, they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax by taking up an interesting hobby such as learn how to play an instrument or playing popular sports which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical health
as well
as their mental health.
In addition
, due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are no longer hanging out with their friends or taking part in any outside activity.
Hence
, their ability to communicate with others and the lack of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become serious issues for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when raising their kids.

Secondly
, the expectations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to be always at top of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
insanely
high scores for every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers, over-studying doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
become more intelligent or smarter,
however
, attending too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
or science subjects can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cognitive impairment
especially
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
for example
, kindergarten and primary school students due to a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
focusing, lacking sleep and being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
normally
provide theoretical lessons which are
mostly
the same with compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
need more particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
for instance
, critical thinking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management, etc.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hand to create educational systems which are more practical, creative and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free environment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
should
be banned
and substituted by soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
instead
.
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IELTS essay Extra classes for children after school

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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